“Just about every day, I get hit by fear of a bad future,” I said.
“About what?” asked one of my spiritual elders.
“Not having enough money. Losing the place where my husband and I live,” I said.
“What do you want?”
“I want to feel safe,” I said.

Later, I reflected on this.

First, let’s start with this question:

What do you want?

One of my husband’s friends coaches clients to have better lives.

This coach said, “Many of us are preoccupied with ‘self-preservation.’”

In my conversation with one of my spiritual elders, this idea arose: “Which self are you trying to preserve?”

Is it the ego-self? The part that’s full of fear?
Is it the artist self? The part that’s all about expressing your thoughts and feelings?
Is it the divine self that the God and Goddess gave you?

I have shared on this blog before my direct experience of when I first met the God and the Goddess. In Their Presence, I felt Their total love and acceptance of me. That felt completely different from how I felt every day when I was 16 years old.

As I look back upon that moment, I realize that it was a revelation. That I was loved. It did not matter what my genetically related family members were like. I have a Spiritual Family.

I recall this quote:

We ask no Heaven, we fear no Hell,
Nor mourn our outcast lot,
Treading the mazes of a spell
By priests and men forgot.”

― Gerald B. Gardner, The Meaning of Witchcraft

We Wiccans can go beyond the “outcast lot.”

I am a 3^rd Degree Wiccan Witch of the Gardnerian Tradition.

I realize that I can make an internal shift to my Divine Self. That’s my Essence as given to me by the God and Goddess, I do not have to fall into a “small self” that might want to be elsewhere.

“That perhaps is at the core of Wicca—it is a joyous union with nature. The earth is a manifestation of divine energy. Wicca’s temples are flower-splashed meadows, forests, beaches, and deserts. When a Wicca is outdoors, she or he is actually surrounded by sanctity.” – Scott Cunningham

So, when you look to preserve your Self … look to the “core of Wicca…as a joyful union with nature.”

“All who seek to know Me, know this… All your seeking and yearning will be in vain unless you understand the Mystery that if what you seek is not found within, you will never find it without.” – The Goddess speaking in The Charge of the Goddess, as written by Doreen Valiente

So, in the quest for “self-preservation,” we can make a shift to the God and Goddess—and the Essence that They put within you.

Your Essence is not the body that grows old.
Your Essence is not the approval of others.
Your Essence is not the fear of a bad future.

Instead…
Your Essence is the Certainty that You Are One with the God and Goddess.
Preserve your experience of that!

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

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I couldn’t breathe. I swallowed swimming pool water. My 10-year-old brother kept his feet on top of me. I was 6 years old and terrified.

What could a 10-year-old boy feel that he wanted to terrorize his little sister?

Recently, I realized that the people I grew up around used judgments like knives to cut me.
You get cut enough, and you bleed out.
Also, you get cut enough—you internalize those shards of glass made of judgments against yourself.

Some people talk about a committee of voices in your head. Many of the voices hate you. What happens? Much of that can turn into self-hatred.

I have three insights for you.

1. Survive when you compartmentalize.

Sometimes, to function, I need to put certain thoughts off to the side. For example, I’ll recall something I said that embarrassed me. If I allow this one negative thought to overrun my life, I won’t get to the facility where my parents live. And I won’t get my mom to her doctor appointment on time.

I will not let that happen. I do what I must.

Do you find yourself doing that, too? Do you compartmentalize sometimes?

Compartmentalizing is only a temporary tactic. I find that I must talk through what bothers me with someone I trust. … when appropriate.

My audio books now available on Audible.com

2. Proclaim: “I interrupt this broadcast” and stamp your foot.

Recently, a friend told me about a method that works for several people. When you think of a disempowering thought, you stamp your foot and say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” You are interrupting the thought that showed up in your brain.

You do a physical action to disrupt the trance of negative thinking. Dealing with my depression symptoms, I realize that using a positive disruptive pattern helps me shift my focus.

Here is an example. I think, “Damn. I shouldn’t have said, ‘I can’t do that.’”
Then I say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” I stamp my foot on the ground.
(This shifts my focus.)

Do you need to shift your focus from habitual negative thinking?

3. Ask the Goddess to help you shift your focus.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Help me shift my focus
From helpless to helpful,
From self-anger to self-love.
From fearful to fearless!
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater