Terrified. That was the right word. I stood in front of the audience about to give my first speech at a Toastmasters meeting.
It did not matter that other people would speak after me. They would be nervous, too.
My own fear made me shake.
Speaking aloud in front of an audience had not gone well in my past. I remembered reading a paragraph aloud in a high school English class. My dyslexia made me sound like an idiot.
The teacher said, “Okay that’s enough.”
Fellow student, Joe Jerk-face said, “Yeah! That’s enough!”
And now at Toastmasters, I was about to give a speech. Crap!
I said, “I couldn’t breathe. My brother held me underwater. Why would he torture a little girl? When I coughed up the water, the swimming pool didn’t look like a place to play. How much more of this life could I survive?” A few minutes in, I saw two people nod. (Oh, thank you! Good humans!)
After I finished. Some applause.
All good.
Even better. I was proud of myself. I had walked toward my fear.
Later, I went on to be a guest speaker – over 12 times – at a Comparative Religion college course to introduce people to Wicca. That was new for them. It still was a tough stretch for me to talk to an audience but … again and again … I walked toward the fear.
Here are three insights.
1. Keep yourself safe.
Number one. Keep yourself safe. Can you get physically hurt if you take on a risk?
David, someone in my circle, was a movie stuntman over 20 years ago. Would he risk his health or life today? No f***ing way!
Still, he took precautions during his stuntman time. He also refused to do certain stunts. And, he’s alive to tell the tale.
Are you thinking of taking a risk that could hurt you physically? Like walking in a dangerous area? Just after the bars close? Hold up! Stay safe.
2. Decide what you value most. Drop the distractions.
Other risks may mean temporary pain.
So, high school kids laughed at my reading a paragraph. I still adapt to having dyslexia.
But, you know what? Who cares about high school kids’ laughter?!
I have to value your opinion in order to let it control me.
What do you value most? Is it growing as a person? Pushing beyond some artificial limits?
When do you feel most alive?
3. Ask Goddess for support.
When I have walked toward fear, I was answering the call of divinity that Goddess placed within me.
Here is a prayer you can use:
Goddess, help me answer the call,
Help me know the true call from the false call.
Show me how to walk into the unknown with Your strength.
So Mote It Be.
May these insights support your journey.
Blessed Be,
Moonwater
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