I couldn’t breathe. I swallowed swimming pool water. My 10-year-old brother kept his feet on top of me. I was 6 years old and terrified.

What could a 10-year-old boy feel that he wanted to terrorize his little sister?

Recently, I realized that the people I grew up around used judgments like knives to cut me.
You get cut enough, and you bleed out.
Also, you get cut enough—you internalize those shards of glass made of judgments against yourself.

Some people talk about a committee of voices in your head. Many of the voices hate you. What happens? Much of that can turn into self-hatred.

I have three insights for you.

1. Survive when you compartmentalize.

Sometimes, to function, I need to put certain thoughts off to the side. For example, I’ll recall something I said that embarrassed me. If I allow this one negative thought to overrun my life, I won’t get to the facility where my parents live. And I won’t get my mom to her doctor appointment on time.

I will not let that happen. I do what I must.

Do you find yourself doing that, too? Do you compartmentalize sometimes?

Compartmentalizing is only a temporary tactic. I find that I must talk through what bothers me with someone I trust. … when appropriate.

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2. Proclaim: “I interrupt this broadcast” and stamp your foot.

Recently, a friend told me about a method that works for several people. When you think of a disempowering thought, you stamp your foot and say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” You are interrupting the thought that showed up in your brain.

You do a physical action to disrupt the trance of negative thinking. Dealing with my depression symptoms, I realize that using a positive disruptive pattern helps me shift my focus.

Here is an example. I think, “Damn. I shouldn’t have said, ‘I can’t do that.’”
Then I say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” I stamp my foot on the ground.
(This shifts my focus.)

Do you need to shift your focus from habitual negative thinking?

3. Ask the Goddess to help you shift your focus.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Help me shift my focus
From helpless to helpful,
From self-anger to self-love.
From fearful to fearless!
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater