“Owwww! This pain is … just too much,” Stephen, a person in my circle, said. He endured oral surgery, and then, when the anesthetic wore off, he barely held on with Tylenol and Ibuprofen.
What helped? Talking on the phone with friends. How? When talking with a friend, Stephen’s focus would shift. The pain would go into the background. Sometimes for a couple of minutes … or more.
We, Wiccans and witches, can tune into our spiritual path. We can direct our focus.
“In truly understanding the Goddess and God, one comes to understand life, for the two are inextricably entwined. Live your earthly life fully, but try to see the spiritual aspects of your activities as well. Remember—the physical and spiritual are but reflections of each other.” – Scott Cunningham
I reflected on this. I notice two different types of focus.
One type is a focus on gratitude.
The other type is “what is not perfect.” An example is: The parent insists that the kid is never good enough.
It all depends on what you focus your mind on.
The focus on gratitude can shift your inner energy. Stephen found that in his warm connection with a friend, his inner energy went from suffering to gratitude and connection.
“To me, magic is the movement of subtle, natural energies to manifest needed change.” – Scott Cunningham
What do you need to change? Would you like to do a simple candle ritual?
Remember, your focus can elevate your life. The Goddess meets you on that elevated path.
Here is a prayer you can use:
Goddess, Help me shift my focus to the good things in life. Help my mind heal my body and soul. Inspire me into gratitude for all You have given me So Mote It Be.
Do you know what sells more than sex? Rage. The algorithms in social media are, reportedly, geared to make people react in anger or rage.
Anger in times of chaos is understandable. In fact, my new book, World On Fire: How Witches and Wiccans Transcend the Chaos and Find Their Peace, has three sections on anger. Also, not-a-fun fact, the word “anger” shows up 45 times in this book. Good news: There is a section about how to shift so you can get sleep even if you start angry.
Here, let’s talk about shifting away from falling into a reaction. When you pause and take a breath, you can make a transition to a healthy response. Not a reaction.
Breath of the Loving Goddess
Breath supports and heals you.
So, take a deep breath in, and breathe in the love of the Goddess.
Hold…
In your mind, say, “I breathe in peace. Goddess, thank you.”
Then exhale.
In your mind, picture tension, stress, and pain exiting your body as if you are exhaling black smoke out of your mouth.
In your mind, say, “I breathe out all stress, pain, and tension.”
Repeat this process 9 times.
A warning: As with any form of exercise or exertion, consult with your doctor. Some people may need to be careful about getting lightheaded or hyperventilating.
“I’ve reached the end of my rope,” my friend, Rhonda, said. “I can’t bend anymore. I can’t take any more.”
I nodded.
I saw it in Rhonda’s eyes. She knew that I understood.
That’s because she knew my story. During my first marriage, I told my husband that we needed to have food in the house. But he didn’t care. He took care of himself by buying fast food. And overspending on his own video games.
That, plus more details, inspired me to go for a real boundary of “I’m not going to live like this.” I filed for divorce. One of my best decisions.
I have insights for you.
1. State your boundary. Make it brief. Say, “I need this.”
During my first marriage, I would try to “make my case.” He did not listen. He did not care. Instead, I’ve learned to say, “I need this walkway clear.”
That’s the full thought.
I don’t need to plead and have to justify what I need.
I have worth as a human being. The Gods placed divinity within me. And within you.
“Live your earthly life fully, but try to see the spiritual aspects of your activities as well. Remember—the physical and spiritual are but reflections of each other.” – Scott Cunningham
2. Realize that your boundary mirrors boundaries in nature.
“We cannot and must not give love to others before we have respect and love for ourselves.” – Scott Cunningham
Realize that the Goddess wants your well-being.
I remember that the bark of a Redwood Tree is highly fire-resistant.
The bark protects the tree’s core. Redwoods can survive all but the most extreme fires.
Again, we, witches, learn from nature.
Maintain a good and strong boundary.
You, like the glorious Redwood Tree, are loved and valued by the God and Goddess.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Gods, Surround me with your protection, Like the mother bear who protects her young, Or the lion who protects his pride. Here me now, and surround me with your protection on this Day/Night! So Mote It Be!
It happened again. I thought about something I regretted. It looked like I wouldn’t get sleep. Then I shifted my thoughts. I brought an image to my sleep-deprived mind. I am floating in the ocean. Peaceful. The waves softly flow. The Ocean is Goddess.
Eventually, I fall asleep.
Later, I reflected on this.
Here are two definitions:
“Regret is an emotion. It’s a negative emotion in that it’s an emotion that makes us feel worse, not better. And it’s an emotion that’s triggered when we think of something from our past and wish we had done something differently, done something in a different way, not done something, taken an action, not taken an action.” – Daniel Pink
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown
Whoa! Stop!
Goddess put divinity within us. We ARE worthy of love and belonging. We belong to the Goddess.
I remember this quote:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
So I need to shift from regret to reflecting on what I may want to do differently in the future.
Here’s a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Let Your waters of love caress and flow within and without me. Let my shame and regret be washed from my mind, body, and soul. Soothe me, nourish me, and heal me. So Mote It Be.
“You look frustrated,” my friend, Susan, said. “Got that right,” I replied. “About…?” “I just can’t get in more meditation sessions,” I said.
Later, I reflected on this. So, we hear that improving our lives is just about adding a habit. (As if that were easy.)
Ever put in a new habit and in 47 days—poof!—the habit is gone?
Frustrating, right? What’s the answer?
It’s not just a change of habit. It’s a shift of identity.
Robert Rodriguez, the film director, said that he would throw out his back every time he made a film. He asked Sylvester “Sly” Stallone how he managed to stay strong and athletic. Sly said, “Get a personal trainer.”
But then, Robert had a revelation. Yes, it was good to have the support of a personal trainer. AND, he needed to shift his identity to “athlete.” Then it was about “what does an athlete do?”
We, witches, can choose layers to our identity.
I can choose and say firmly, “I AM a meditator.”
In fact … I’m taking a pause …
Now, I am back.
Guess what I just did?
I did a brief meditation session. Why? “I AM a meditator.”
What identity would you like to add to your practice as a Witch?
Here’s a prayer.
Goddess, show me the way to transformation. Guide my actions on my desired path. So Mote It Be.
When was the last time you were angry? I mean, really angry.
Drivers that almost cause accidents. That’s a hot button for me.
Injury or death. For no reason—except the troublesome driver is unskillful or rude—or both.
So, I was simply driving. Then an idiot driver cut me off. Causing Danger. Now I’m tossed into a “hot state.”
A definition: “Hot states are characterized by high levels of emotion, where individuals are more likely to act impulsively and make decisions based on their immediate feelings rather than long-term consequences.”
Warning: Do not do magick when stuck in a hot state. You can make rash decisions that you normally wouldn’t make.
Here are hot state triggers: anger, hunger, fear, pain, sexual arousal, and strong cravings.
Here’s the Big, Important Idea: When you notice that you are triggered, stop. Cool down. Make a good decision to wait before you do any form of magick.
Also, remember the Threefold Law. If you do magick while you’re angry, you could cause damage … that could be slammed back at you with three times the intensity or more.
Here’s a chant you can use to cool down. You can replace “anger” with any other unhelpful emotion.
Anger, anger, flee from me! Clear my mind for me to see. Unhelpful emotions fade away, You don’t trouble me today. So Mote It Be.
“That’s it. I’m done!” That’s what I want to say about the depression symptoms I deal with.
If you have clinical depression, you may have heard a therapist say that “depression is defined as a low mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time. This is different from regular mood changes and feelings about everyday life.”
However, one day, an idea, like a bright light, bloomed in my mind.
“My depression symptoms give me compassion for others. When someone is going through pain, I can understand. Because I go through that every day.”
I experience suffering, and I can empathize with and understand some form of how others feel. This means that I often listen well to people who express their feelings.
Each person’s journey is different. And yet, we all go through some versions of pain.
I have three insights for you.
1. The power is in the question.
If you’re stuck in a rigid mindset, you may miss out.
So, what is the question that illuminates your life?
This question is: How are you not honoring the divinity the Gods placed in you?
Depression symptoms want me to stay in bed and suffer.
But that would not honor the Gods, my husband, my parents, or my friends. So, I get out of bed.
And, sometimes earlier because my cat, Magick, swats me on the forehead. “Get Up!”
He needs his insulin shot and food. But that’s not his order of priority.
How can you honor the Gods by choosing different actions to take?
2. Honoring is to use the gifts you have been given.
What gifts have the Gods given you? Perhaps, you’re suffering right now. Blessings to you.
And…
You’re likely reading this. So, you can see. How can you honor the gift of seeing? See something beautiful. Visit with a friend. See their face.
You can think. Honor the Gods by thinking of something kind you can do for another human being…or pet…
How can you act to fulfill your gifts given by the Gods?
3. Ask the Goddess for insight and energy.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Lovely Lady, Give me the Element Fire’s energy and passion, Give me the wisdom of Air, to know who I am. Wrap me in the flow of Water’s intuition, With Earth’s strong foundation of Your grace. So Mote It Be.
I couldn’t breathe. I swallowed swimming pool water. My 10-year-old brother kept his feet on top of me. I was 6 years old and terrified.
What could a 10-year-old boy feel that he wanted to terrorize his little sister?
Recently, I realized that the people I grew up around used judgments like knives to cut me. You get cut enough, and you bleed out. Also, you get cut enough—you internalize those shards of glass made of judgments against yourself.
Some people talk about a committee of voices in your head. Many of the voices hate you. What happens? Much of that can turn into self-hatred.
I have three insights for you.
1. Survive when you compartmentalize.
Sometimes, to function, I need to put certain thoughts off to the side. For example, I’ll recall something I said that embarrassed me. If I allow this one negative thought to overrun my life, I won’t get to the facility where my parents live. And I won’t get my mom to her doctor appointment on time.
I will not let that happen. I do what I must.
Do you find yourself doing that, too? Do you compartmentalize sometimes?
Compartmentalizing is only a temporary tactic. I find that I must talk through what bothers me with someone I trust. … when appropriate.
2. Proclaim: “I interrupt this broadcast” and stamp your foot.
Recently, a friend told me about a method that works for several people. When you think of a disempowering thought, you stamp your foot and say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” You are interrupting the thought that showed up in your brain.
You do a physical action to disrupt the trance of negative thinking. Dealing with my depression symptoms, I realize that using a positive disruptive pattern helps me shift my focus.
Here is an example. I think, “Damn. I shouldn’t have said, ‘I can’t do that.’” Then I say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” I stamp my foot on the ground. (This shifts my focus.)
Do you need to shift your focus from habitual negative thinking?
3. Ask the Goddess to help you shift your focus.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Help me shift my focus From helpless to helpful, From self-anger to self-love. From fearful to fearless! So Mote It Be.
“I had to talk to some officials about my father,” my friend, Fred, said. He looked shaken. His elderly father was continuing his violent ways.
“They want me to sign some paperwork. But I don’t know what the hell my father will do next,” Fred continued. Fred’s father had attacked another resident at the facility. The police were called, and Fred’s father had to face a judge. His father was barred from that facility.
Fred was triggered. And why not? His father had physically and emotionally abused Fred as a kid. Until he left home at 17 years old.
Are you triggered now?
I have three insights for you.
1. You need steps to handle being triggered.
Every time Fred talks with his father, the conversation goes bad. So, Fred sets up a phone call with a friend to occur immediately after such a conversation. They talk a bit about the call. But better than that, they shift to talking about something good. Fred is able to make a shift in thoughts and emotions.
Do you have a pattern so you can feel better after some triggering situation?
2. Focus on doing “a shift.”
Sometimes, the way to stop emotional pain is to shift out of a worn pattern. Something triggers a person, and then they go into a negative spiral. Fred calls a friend to do a shift in thoughts and energy. You can also meditate, pray, and/or go for a walk in nature. The idea is that you avoid losing a whole day to feeling bad.
A person can get value by venting during a chosen time. My husband and I take walks together. I remember my husband saying, “I’m going to vent about the problem until we get to that traffic light. Then let’s talk about something else.” That became our signal to do a “shift.”
Do you have a pattern of making a shift?
3. Consider a “Meditative Walk” to help you release pain.
I have learned to take a certain kind of “meditative walk.” It works better with nearby trees.
As you walk you can say something like:
I thank you my friends, the trees, I thank you grass and shrubs. Help me dissipate the negative energy within me. Negative energy flows downward. Out of my feet. Into the ground. Into Mother Earth. Such energy is now harmless. I am clear. I am safe. So Mote It Be!
“So, what is it that you want?” I asked my friend, Samantha.
“I’d just like to be a bit happier. Is that asking too much?” she asked.
Later, her question started off a lot of conversations between my husband and me. I talked with some friends about happiness, too.
My thought is it would be terrific for Wiccans to have a spell to increase happiness.
But then I realized that what comprises happiness is different for every person. So, my husband and I came up with a list of Elements of Happiness that include contentment, joy, fulfillment and satisfaction.
Perhaps, you’re like me and find that you really don’t have days when your joyful moments comprise more than 50% of the day. There’s a reason in my case: I have clinical depression symptoms. This can be a problem in terms of “Can I ever be happy?”
Do you ever ask yourself, “Can I be happy?”
My husband tossed in an idea: “Maybe, some people have a definition of happiness that doesn’t allow them to ever be happy.”
We all need balance, and it might be helpful to look at all four elements and then fine tune your approach for yourself—to fit your needs. So, I looked up some definitions of these elements:
Elements of Happiness
Joy: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. [This is about moment-to-moment feelings.]
Fulfillment: the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.
Contentment: the act of feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation. [I’ve thought about contentment as related to sitting still and feeling at peace.]
Satisfaction: the state of being pleased or content with what has been experienced or received.
Then I set out to create a general spell to help Wiccans create or enhance their happiness however they define it.
A Spell for Happiness
What you will need:
1 orange candle
Candle holder
Rose oil
Dragon’s Blood incense
Ritual tools
Sea salt
Some of your favorite food and drink (for the Cakes and Wine Ceremony)
Lavender flowers (for the ritual bath)
Clean towel
Altar
Clean robe
Take a ritual bath:
On a full or waxing moon, bathe to wash all the physical dirt from your body. Then draw a new bath and put three tablespoons of sea salt into the water. Soak in the water and think of all the negative energy being absorbed by the salt water. Breathe in and out deeply. Relax… Take your time.
Use a clean towel to dry off. Put on a clean robe.
Next, go to your room and clear a space and place your small simple table (this will be your altar) in the center. Place the candle in the middle of the altar. Additionally, set up your small water bowl, sea salt bowl, and food and drink on either the side of the candle.
Cast circle in your usual manner.
Place the tip of your athame in the bowl of water and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Water, that you are pure and clean.
Put the tip of your athame into the bowl of salt and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Salt, that you are pure and clean.
Put three pinches of the blessed sea salt into the bowl of water and stir clockwise (using your index finger).
Asperge the candle with the holy water and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Candle, that you are pure and clean.
Waft the candle with the incense smoke and say:
I charge you with air and fire.
Time to dress your candle: This means that you take the rose oil and rub it onto the candle from wick to the base of the candle. Carve the word “happiness” on the candle and place in the candle holder.
Put the candle into the candle holder, light it, and then say:
I now open my arms out wide Perking up my internal pride The blues that surround me go away So peace and happiness are here to stay! Happiness, peace, and love within Reside deeply and ever herein As I so will, So Mote It Be!
Do the Cakes and Wine Ceremony.
Close the Circle.
When you are ready, place the candle in a safe place and let the candle burn completely out. [Do NOT leave an untended candle. Stay safe.]
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