self worth

“I thought I had a friend,” Julie told me.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I told her that I trust her with something that, in my local community, I have to keep confidential,” Julie began. “I made her promise me—but she told my secret to everybody. And now they shun me!”

“She told them you are Wiccan,” I said, realizing.

Have you had a similar situation in your life? Has someone betrayed you and now you just can’t get the painful thoughts and feelings out? Does it feel like you’re being ripped apart?

To heal after betrayal, we notice a process …

Stages:

Identify the betrayal

The point here is that you need to acknowledge to yourself that you have been wronged. This person made a decision that caused you harm. Before my divorce, I put up with bad actions of my then-husband. Part of gaining the strength to leave him was for me to put my foot down and declare in my own mind: “This is wrong. I will not endure this, anymore.”

Feel the pain

Acknowledge the pain. Feel it. Until you do, you can’t grow and move past it. Additionally, until you feel the pain you might not have the energy to push through and move on. My then-husband would drain our joint account of money to buy his video games and there would be no food in the apartment. He would feed himself with fast food and think nothing of me.

I had to feel the pain and gather my strength to get the hell away from him. (By the way, I’m so glad because after the divorce, I was free to find my soulmate. It’s so much better now.)

Perhaps, you’re like me, and you’d like a break from feeling so much pain. In fact, I had a recent meditation session in which I asked the God and Goddess, “Why do I have to be in such pain?”

Their answer made me pause. They said, “Pain is to grow.”

So, feeling the pain is where growth happens. I know it sucks. But pain is the fuel that creates growth.

Protect yourself from more trouble

This is where you need to cut all contact with the person. You can do the ritual below for this.

Here are the steps of True Separation:

Verbally end the relationship
Stay away from the person.
Ground yourself.
Cast circle.
Do the Separation Ritual (see below).
Do the Cakes and Wine ritual.
Close the circle.
Finally continue to have no contact with the toxic person.

You will need your usual ritual items to cast circle and your altar. As I mentioned you will also have a length of yarn or piece of red string. The yarn/string must be long enough to encircle your own waist and to encircle the object (that represents the toxic person).

The Separation Ritual

Take the object. First, your will asperge it. Asperge means to sprinkle the holy water with your fingers onto the object.

With the holy water, asperge and say:

I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.

Next you will cense the object. Cense means to waft incense smoke over the object.

With the incense smoke, cense and say:

I bless and charge you with air and fire.

Then take the string/yarn and cense and asperge it as well and say:

I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
I bless and charge you with air and fire.

Take the red string/yarn in your hands saying:

Tiny bundle of String/yarn
You are now the same as the bonds between me and Name of person.

Tie one end of the string/yarn to the object and then encircle your waist with the other end of the string/yarn, while you say:

You are the bonds that connect us now.

From me to Name of person and from Name of person to me.

Our connection is by thee.

Sit and concentrate on the bond between you both and see it as the string/yarn that now connects you and the object. Once you have a firm connection with that thought, take the boline and cut the string/yarn, seeing in your mind’s eye the astral bonds being cut along with the string/yarn.

Once you complete the cut, say:

I am now free of the ties of Name of person as he/she is of me.

May my happiness expand, and may Name of person’s happiness expand.

Blessed be.

Finish up with the Cakes and Wine part of the ritual and then close the Circle.

Call upon the God and Goddess to assist with your healing

Meditate and pray to the Gods for strength. Here is a prayer you can use.

Heal my heart and mind,
Free me of violence that binds
Keep me safe and sane from [his/her] madness,
Let me stay centered and stay strong as my own badass.
So mote it be!

Circle the Wagons with Friends

Keep your true friends close to you. Confide in them and let them build you back up.

Move into Inner Peace

Now that you are centered and have had your friends strengthen you, you can now move into peace. You now know that you have separated yourself from the betrayer, and you have surrounded yourself with the love of your true friends and the God and Goddess.

Keep in mind there is a difference between acceptance and approval. You do not approve of the betrayer’s actions. Eventually, you might get to the point of acceptance. What would you be accepting? You would accept that the person was caught up in their own crap, and you weren’t even a fly on their windshield. We notice that people can be seriously self-centered and cruel.

But acceptance is not approval. Acceptance is realizing that you went through an event, and today you are not ruled by it.

May this material support you and bring you peace.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

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As a Wiccan, are you feeling oppressed?

Do you feel comfortable to wear a pentacle openly?

A reader asked me a question recently: How do you get a girl to like you if you’re a witch?

I had a thought: Why does it have to be a big deal about being a witch? Why is this question phrased in this way?

My second thought was: The question arrives with “if you’re a witch” because many cultures around the world oppress Wiccans.

The word oppression relates to “prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control.”

Let’s look at that detail control. A horrible form of control is related to when other people seem to get into your mind and make you doubt your feelings and worth.

Before we go further, here is my answer to that person’s question:

How do you get a girl to like you if you’re a witch?

“Your question brings up a number of subtopics.

I’ll work with a couple of ideas.

a) How do you get anyone to like you if they might be repelled by a false idea?

You may have heard of the idea “be yourself.” Which self are we talking about? The self that has bad breath and a hangover on a Saturday morning? Or the self that you’re proud of. The one that is a good listener. Someone who is respectful, kind and compassionate. The self that is open to learning new ideas and approaches—with each day as a fresh opportunity to grow, learn and be kind.

I’m suggesting that you first express your best self. Be a good listener. Be kind, compassionate and friendly. Show a genuine smile at certain moments. These elements are attractive.

I have a friend who asked this question: “If you deal with clinical depression symptoms, do you tell someone that on the first date?” His answer is no. Because the person hasn’t experienced your good points, and they have no investment in your friendship yet.

When you feel it is appropriate, you might share some part of your spiritual path. Still, be careful because there is a lot of false information about witches in popular culture.

b) How does one use magick to make oneself attractive?

First, my Wiccan elders have emphasized that using magick on anyone without their consent is Wrong—do NOT do it.

However, you can use magick on yourself to remove blocks. You might have endured parental neglect or maybe you suffered heartrending rejection. Therefore, you could do a spell to enhance your personal strength. To be a good friend, you need to have the strength to be a good listener and to share your heart. That’s right—friendship requires us to be strong enough to be vulnerable with the right person.

Prayer for Strength

Lord of the Sun grant me your strength and wisdom
to hear what is not said,
and to see what is not shown
for my heart is alone.
May I feel your strength from above
so I grow and attract life giving love.

May this prayer empower you.”

* * * * * *

As we close this conversation here, I want to emphasize that oppression happens when people are afraid of something or don’t understand something.

Yes—plenty of people retain false ideas about Wicca due to popular culture and to some religious leaders actively spreading false information.

However, we can get to know people one at a time. When they know us as a warm, kind, friendly person, they may be more open to learning who we, Wiccans, are.

Most importantly, stay vigilant about what’s in your own mind.

This reminds me of a quote:

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. – Arthur Schopenhauer

Stay strong,
Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Goddess Style Weight Loss: Wiccans — Happy, Healthy and Confident