shunning

“I thought I had a friend,” Julie told me.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I told her that I trust her with something that, in my local community, I have to keep confidential,” Julie began. “I made her promise me—but she told my secret to everybody. And now they shun me!”

“She told them you are Wiccan,” I said, realizing.

Have you had a similar situation in your life? Has someone betrayed you and now you just can’t get the painful thoughts and feelings out? Does it feel like you’re being ripped apart?

To heal after betrayal, we notice a process …

Stages:

Identify the betrayal

The point here is that you need to acknowledge to yourself that you have been wronged. This person made a decision that caused you harm. Before my divorce, I put up with bad actions of my then-husband. Part of gaining the strength to leave him was for me to put my foot down and declare in my own mind: “This is wrong. I will not endure this, anymore.”

Feel the pain

Acknowledge the pain. Feel it. Until you do, you can’t grow and move past it. Additionally, until you feel the pain you might not have the energy to push through and move on. My then-husband would drain our joint account of money to buy his video games and there would be no food in the apartment. He would feed himself with fast food and think nothing of me.

I had to feel the pain and gather my strength to get the hell away from him. (By the way, I’m so glad because after the divorce, I was free to find my soulmate. It’s so much better now.)

Perhaps, you’re like me, and you’d like a break from feeling so much pain. In fact, I had a recent meditation session in which I asked the God and Goddess, “Why do I have to be in such pain?”

Their answer made me pause. They said, “Pain is to grow.”

So, feeling the pain is where growth happens. I know it sucks. But pain is the fuel that creates growth.

Protect yourself from more trouble

This is where you need to cut all contact with the person. You can do the ritual below for this.

Here are the steps of True Separation:

Verbally end the relationship
Stay away from the person.
Ground yourself.
Cast circle.
Do the Separation Ritual (see below).
Do the Cakes and Wine ritual.
Close the circle.
Finally continue to have no contact with the toxic person.

You will need your usual ritual items to cast circle and your altar. As I mentioned you will also have a length of yarn or piece of red string. The yarn/string must be long enough to encircle your own waist and to encircle the object (that represents the toxic person).

The Separation Ritual

Take the object. First, your will asperge it. Asperge means to sprinkle the holy water with your fingers onto the object.

With the holy water, asperge and say:

I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.

Next you will cense the object. Cense means to waft incense smoke over the object.

With the incense smoke, cense and say:

I bless and charge you with air and fire.

Then take the string/yarn and cense and asperge it as well and say:

I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
I bless and charge you with air and fire.

Take the red string/yarn in your hands saying:

Tiny bundle of String/yarn
You are now the same as the bonds between me and Name of person.

Tie one end of the string/yarn to the object and then encircle your waist with the other end of the string/yarn, while you say:

You are the bonds that connect us now.

From me to Name of person and from Name of person to me.

Our connection is by thee.

Sit and concentrate on the bond between you both and see it as the string/yarn that now connects you and the object. Once you have a firm connection with that thought, take the boline and cut the string/yarn, seeing in your mind’s eye the astral bonds being cut along with the string/yarn.

Once you complete the cut, say:

I am now free of the ties of Name of person as he/she is of me.

May my happiness expand, and may Name of person’s happiness expand.

Blessed be.

Finish up with the Cakes and Wine part of the ritual and then close the Circle.

Call upon the God and Goddess to assist with your healing

Meditate and pray to the Gods for strength. Here is a prayer you can use.

Heal my heart and mind,
Free me of violence that binds
Keep me safe and sane from [his/her] madness,
Let me stay centered and stay strong as my own badass.
So mote it be!

Circle the Wagons with Friends

Keep your true friends close to you. Confide in them and let them build you back up.

Move into Inner Peace

Now that you are centered and have had your friends strengthen you, you can now move into peace. You now know that you have separated yourself from the betrayer, and you have surrounded yourself with the love of your true friends and the God and Goddess.

Keep in mind there is a difference between acceptance and approval. You do not approve of the betrayer’s actions. Eventually, you might get to the point of acceptance. What would you be accepting? You would accept that the person was caught up in their own crap, and you weren’t even a fly on their windshield. We notice that people can be seriously self-centered and cruel.

But acceptance is not approval. Acceptance is realizing that you went through an event, and today you are not ruled by it.

May this material support you and bring you peace.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater