“She just wouldn’t listen to me,” my friend, Angie, said, of her coven member, Nancy.

I reflected on this. In a coven, both a leader and a member need listening skills. But more than that, they need something that reveals authentic care and concern.

Here are three insights.

1. Focus on Genuine Curiosity not only “Listening Skills.”

Have you heard this? “You need to nod, be quiet, and ask follow-up questions.”

Okay. That is helpful. But people can see past empty gestures.

Here is the Missing Piece to elevating coven members: Go to the place in yourself of Genuine Curiosity.

My friend, Stephen, deals with his father, who has no curiosity about Stephen’s life. His father asks no questions. His father does not know anything important to Stephen. Stephen grieves over the empty space between his father and himself.

On the other hand, you can go beyond “shallow listening skills.” You can choose to truly care about the other person. How? You nurture a curiosity about that person’s experience on their life path.

Do you focus on the wants and needs of the other person? Do you have genuine curiosity about that person’s experience in life?

2. Ask yourself questions.

Research reveals that we can guide our thoughts by asking a few powerful questions.

If you lead a coven, you need the skills of a good leader. A good leader stays strong and focused. How? Good leaders ask themselves questions to change their personal state of being.

Here’s a useful question: How can I quiet myself and turn the spotlight onto their feelings?

Often, many of us cannot get past the distraction of our own unmet needs.
First, you can ask: “How can I quiet myself?”

Here is something that is connected to this process: “How can I take care of myself so I’m not distracted by pain, anger, or emptiness?”

Are you taking good care of yourself?
Do you have space for the concerns and feelings of another person?

3. Ask the Gods “How can I take better care of myself.”

Many times, to take care of others we need to first take care of ourselves.

If your needs are met, you can be free of distraction. Then you can truly listen to another person.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Great Lord and Gracious Lady,
Help me experience my calm self.
Guide me to nurture that self for my benefit and the benefit of all involved.
Soothe me in this calm place within.
Give me the key to go there whenever I have need.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your journey.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Donate to our team at Goddess Has Your Back to support continued content.

Enroll in my Online Course Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magick At Udemy.com

 Enroll in my Online Course At Udemy.com

Spiritual Solution for Depression Relief is also an online course on Udemy.com

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. 

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Visit Moonwater’s Author’s Page for all her books here.

Check out my Podcast.

Check out my site MoonwaterSilverClaw.com  for spells and more.

“I don’t understand prayer. With some people I know, it sounds like they’re trying to use God as an Amazon products order form,” my friend, Amanda, said.

“I hear you,” I replied. “I think of it as a dialogue. I know that God and Goddess want me to blossom into my full destiny.”

“But I don’t get it. Why does God allow us to suffer so much?” Amanda continued.

That’s a big question.

Here are three insights.

1. Acknowledge that something has arrived as a problem that you did NOT want.

Some people try to put a smiley face on a problem. They call it a challenge. It works better for me to acknowledge that it really is a problem.

How about you? Do you feel irritated about putting the “nice” label of “challenge” upon something that bothers you?

2. Make the shift from wanting something just for you to seeing a different kind of opportunity.

Let’s go back to Amanda’s comment about wanting Deity to merely give us what we want.

Sometimes, what we get is something we would NOT have asked for. Migraine headaches? No! I don’t want that.

But I get something else. I have compassion for anyone facing health troubles.

Sometimes, we have experiences that feel like suffering, but they give us opportunities …
– to expand our understanding, our compassion, our empathy.
– to perhaps, serve and support others who experience the suffering we have endured.

Here’s another thought. What do we want? To feel “alive!” For many of us, feeling connected and having a purpose can provide a truly good feeling. For example, when I did volunteer work at The Peninsula Humane Society, I felt part of a team that was helping animals. I could make a difference. For the first few months, I felt on purpose.

Have you experienced something difficult, and later you could support someone facing something similar?

3. Ask Goddess for the Shift and the Strength.

Here’s a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Bless me to shift out of self-focus.
Guide me to know that my suffering can serve
To help me grow in strength, compassion, and empathy.
Empower me on my path.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Donate to our team at Goddess Has Your Back to support continued content.

Enroll in my Online Course Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magick At Udemy.com

 Enroll in my Online Course At Udemy.com

Spiritual Solution for Depression Relief is also an online course on Udemy.com

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. 

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Visit Moonwater’s Author’s Page for all her books here.

Check out my Podcast.

Check out my site MoonwaterSilverClaw.com  for spells and more.

My friend, Alfonso, found himself in a big disagreement with a friend.
As he described the situation, I realized that both friends have a different “personal rhythm.”

Here are three insights.

1. Be observant.

Some research points to different VAK Learning Styles. That’s Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic (touch or doing actions). Some people lean toward watching videos. Others listen to audiobooks.

Alfonso ran into the situation that he is “visual.” His pace of talking is like a music video with the rapid cutting together of shots (images).

His friend, Julie, is an auditory person. She talks slower. She enjoys the sound and tonality of voices.

When Alfonso quickly changed topics in a conversation with Julie, she felt rushed and offended.

Have you noticed that you have a different style or personal rhythm than a loved one – in conversation?

2. Be flexible.

Alfonso can be flexible and take responsibility for his own conversation patterns. He can choose to call Julie when he has a day off. Alfonso is just too frantic at work—even on a 15-minute break.

Some people say, “A friend would just put up with my quirks.” Maybe so. Maybe not. Why sow seeds of discontent?

We, Wiccans, look to the natural world.

Who is wrong? The hummingbird with a fast pace, or a tortoise with a slow pace?
The natural world has space for different creatures and different attributes.

So, we can make space for different people with different rhythms.

Are you too tired to be flexible?

(A side note: Do you know who are the comfortable people at which event? Speech therapists at their own convention. Why? They demonstrate patience… and they listen.)

3. Ask the Goddess for strength and insight.

Here is a prayer you can use:

Goddess,
Give me Your grace and strength,
To see the good in people and not just write them off as difficult.
Give me Your insight,
To see their view on things and not be stuck in my own opinion.
Guide me, teach me, show me a new perspective of my fellow beings.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Donate to our team at Goddess Has Your Back to support continued content.

Enroll in my Online Course Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magick At Udemy.com

 Enroll in my Online Course At Udemy.com

Spiritual Solution for Depression Relief is also an online course on Udemy.com

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. 

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Visit Moonwater’s Author’s Page for all her books here.

Check out my Podcast.

Check out my site MoonwaterSilverClaw.com  for spells and more.

“Not here in the work area,” my husband said. “Would you consider us talking in the other room?”
“Yes,” I said.
We talked about how his two jobs were causing him to lose sleep and sound irritable.
“It’s not fair that I have to put up with a ‘grumpy bear,’” I said.
Instead of being defensive, he talked about his own responsibilities. “I’m going to pick nights when I do not watch any YouTube videos. That’s how I miss some sleep.”

I’m grateful that my husband and I are being careful to protect our relationship.

I have three insights for you.

1. Notice if you ever communicate that you’re “satisfied.”

Recently, I learned that many couples go to therapy when one partner is “distant.” Another reason is that one partner is “never satisfied.”

I’ve learned to say, “You did good,” to my husband. Even if I do not feel good. And that’s often because I have clinical depression symptoms.

I realized that if one partner feels the other person is “never satisfied,” the first person just gives up. And that creates distance. It’s certainly the opposite of closeness.

The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes:
* You need to let your partner know they did good, even when you’re already feeling bad.
* You may need to just own your painful feelings. And, you may have to realize that your partner cannot simply “make you happy.”

I’ve seen films in which a father asks a young daughter: “Does he (her suitor) make you happy?”
“Yes, Daddy,” she replies.
“All right, then,” the father says.

That’s a big order to make another human “happy.” The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes that we must take responsibility for how we live in this world. Do we meditate, pray, exercise, perform rituals, and get enough rest? No one can do that for you. (Yes, I know that you knew that.)

Do you let your friend or loved one know that they “did good”?

2. Honor your partner.

“Honor all living things, for we are of the stag, and the salmon, and the bee; so destroy not life, save it be to preserve your own.”  – Scott Cunningham

How do you honor your partner? Say things in a respectful way.

• Not respectful: You always forget to do the right thing. You don’t take out the garbage or turn on the dishwasher.
• Respectful: Please consider taking out the garbage tonight. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

You’re talking to an adult. You are respectful of your partner’s autonomy.

How do you talk to your partner?

3. Invite the Goddess in how you act to shape your life.

“We can’t point at an image of an evil god, such as Satan, and blame it for our faults and weaknesses. We can’t blame fate. Every second of each day we’re creating our futures, shaping the courses of our lives.”    – Scott Cunningham

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Help me show my partner,
With my words and actions, they are enough.
Give me the wisdom to speak compassionately to them and myself.
Help me support them and myself,
To know “I am satisfied,”
Even if I do not have the feelings of happiness.
So mote it be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Donate to our team at Goddess Has Your Back to support continued content.

Enroll in my Online Course Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magick At Udemy.com

 Enroll in my Online Course At Udemy.com

Spiritual Solution for Depression Relief is also an online course on Udemy.com

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. 

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Visit Moonwater’s Author’s Page for all her books here.

Check out my Podcast.

Check out my site MoonwaterSilverClaw.com  for spells and more.

My first husband would disappear for hours into his own video games world.
Eventually, I realized that there was no way to really connect.
I tried to go into his world. I would assist him with his strategies for gaming.
At one point, he got stuck. I was the one who noticed that his character needed to jump and grab ahold of a cliff face.

I tried to earn his love by doing what he wanted.

We were young.
Still, at some point, I knew that this marriage must end.
My decision for the divorce was one of my better decisions.

Are you trying to earn love?

I have three insights for you.

1. Be aware of fear around being “needy.”

I have noticed a difference between “being needy” and “being human.”
Being human includes wanting to be heard—especially by your life mate.
Being “needy” may include putting all of your emotional needs upon one person.
Where is the fear here?

For many of us, we fear that we’ll never get the kindness, support, and comfort we crave.
What can we do?
Develop a support system.

For example, my second husband is in weekly contact with about eight people. He avoids leaning too much on any one individual.

If one of his friends is too busy, he just reaches out to others.
Do you need a circle of friends?

2. Notice if you’re trying to earn somebody’s love.

Are you “always available” for a loved one?
Do they ever give you the space to have quiet time for yourself?

Do you always have to drop everything to fulfill their needs?
And, does this feel healthy to you?
On the other hand, mutual respect and giving to the other makes a healthy relationship.
It is healthy for you to receive from your loved one.
So it’s not about “earning love,” it is about sharing kindness.

3. Ask Goddess to transform your experience of love and belonging.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Uplift my experience of love.
Guide me away from fear and neediness.
Show me how to create a circle of support.
Envelope me with Your strength.
Reveal ways for me to love myself,
And increase my capacity to love others.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater

Donate to our team at Goddess Has Your Back to support continued content.

Enroll in my Online Course Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magick At Udemy.com

 Enroll in my Online Course At Udemy.com

Spiritual Solution for Depression Relief is also an online course on Udemy.com

Looking for gifts?

See my designs at Redbubble. 

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

Visit Moonwater’s Author’s Page for all her books here.

Check out my Podcast.

Check out my site MoonwaterSilverClaw.com  for spells and more.