“How much choice do we have?” my friend, Alex, asked.
“I always go back to what Doreen Valiente wrote in The Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will.” I said.
Later, I reflected on this conversation.
I have two insights about this.
1. “An it harm none” includes you.
Sometimes, we must make the bold choice. Why? Because we might harm ourselves by “not even trying.” You might try a class. Or ask someone if they’d like to have coffee with you sometime.
Also, we must be careful of addictions.
My sweetheart is addicted to YouTube Shorts with golden retrievers and kittens (Don’t ask.)
So, when he needs more sleep, he promises two friends that he will avoid YouTube Shorts for the day. Then he avoids harming himself due to lack of sleep.
2. Think about what you really control.
I notice that stoicism emphasizes that we only really control our thoughts and responses.
Many external events, plus the opinions of others, are outside of our control.
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
We may not control our first thought.
But our second thought can be towards the Goddess.
You can use a prayer like this:
Goddess, Show me what I can change, and help me understand what is out of my control. Strengthen my virtue and my heart, For my love is strong for You. So Mote It Be.
“I feel so vulnerable,” Sheri, a friend, said. I nodded. I deeply related to this. I reflected on this later.
What if we could align ourselves with Goddess? What if we could know Her power? And, we can!
Goddess and the God placed divinity within us. That is our essential identity. Yes, our essence.
Here is something that stands out: the Goddess’s Principles. Here is a definition of principle:
A principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. – Oxford Languages
We can find some of Goddess’s principles as she speaks in the writing of Doreen Valiente:
“Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever towards it; let naught stop you or turn you aside. … Let My worship be within the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” – The Goddess speaking in The Charge of the Goddess, written by Doreen Valiente
Here is a prayer to support you in your own identity.
My Gracious Goddess, Show me my own beauty and strength, My own power and compassion, Let me strive for honor and humility, mirth and reverence in all I do. Let me see myself in You, and You in myself. So Mote It Be.
When I found Wicca, it was like coming home. A whole new world opened to me. And of course, I discovered the God and the Goddess. Here is something amazing. You have privileges as a witch.
I have four insights for you.
1. You can be close to the God and Goddess
You can communicate and be close to the Gods.
Do you pray? Or do you meditate? Using these tools as a witch we can communicate with the God and Goddess. They are only your next breath away. You can say a prayer now. Something like:
“Goddess, thank You for the comfort you give me now. So Mote It Be.”
What would you like to pray about?
2. You can wield magick for your benefit and all involved.
Ever daydream about a dream job? Want to get a raise or make more money with your own business? In these situations, and more, witches can use magick for their benefit.
I have learned that a combination of magick and taking practical actions in the mundane world makes abundance happen.
What would you like to manifest? What form of spell would you like to do?
3. You can experience community.
You can have a family-by-choice. It is true we can’t choose our family by blood. But we can have a chosen family by making good decisions.
I have learned that aligning with your spiritual family and certain friends can make for strong bonds. Bonds that are more nurturing than many bonds with family by blood.
Who in your life encourages you? Do you want to devote more time to the encouragers in your life?
4. You can avoid being tossed about seeking your personal worth from the human-mundane world.
If you must seek your personal worth from any human, you’re in trouble. Why?
Because human beings have flaws. Many are so self-focused that they have no room for you. Have you ever gone to a parent or sibling for comfort and they just ignored you?
Realize that your true worth is the divinity that the God and Goddess placed within you.
Sure, you can work to accomplish something in the mundane world. But you do not have to earn your worth. You already have a divine nature. It’s something to celebrate!
When we incarnate, it’s like we put on blinders.
When you pray and meditate, you take off the blinders, even for a few moments. You connect with your real worth—your divine worth.
Do you want to add or grow your rituals of prayer or meditation?
I couldn’t breathe. I swallowed swimming pool water. My 10-year-old brother kept his feet on top of me. I was 6 years old and terrified.
What could a 10-year-old boy feel that he wanted to terrorize his little sister?
Recently, I realized that the people I grew up around used judgments like knives to cut me. You get cut enough, and you bleed out. Also, you get cut enough—you internalize those shards of glass made of judgments against yourself.
Some people talk about a committee of voices in your head. Many of the voices hate you. What happens? Much of that can turn into self-hatred.
I have three insights for you.
1. Survive when you compartmentalize.
Sometimes, to function, I need to put certain thoughts off to the side. For example, I’ll recall something I said that embarrassed me. If I allow this one negative thought to overrun my life, I won’t get to the facility where my parents live. And I won’t get my mom to her doctor appointment on time.
I will not let that happen. I do what I must.
Do you find yourself doing that, too? Do you compartmentalize sometimes?
Compartmentalizing is only a temporary tactic. I find that I must talk through what bothers me with someone I trust. … when appropriate.
2. Proclaim: “I interrupt this broadcast” and stamp your foot.
Recently, a friend told me about a method that works for several people. When you think of a disempowering thought, you stamp your foot and say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” You are interrupting the thought that showed up in your brain.
You do a physical action to disrupt the trance of negative thinking. Dealing with my depression symptoms, I realize that using a positive disruptive pattern helps me shift my focus.
Here is an example. I think, “Damn. I shouldn’t have said, ‘I can’t do that.’” Then I say, “I interrupt this broadcast.” I stamp my foot on the ground. (This shifts my focus.)
Do you need to shift your focus from habitual negative thinking?
3. Ask the Goddess to help you shift your focus.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Help me shift my focus From helpless to helpful, From self-anger to self-love. From fearful to fearless! So Mote It Be.
“I had to talk to some officials about my father,” my friend, Fred, said. He looked shaken. His elderly father was continuing his violent ways.
“They want me to sign some paperwork. But I don’t know what the hell my father will do next,” Fred continued. Fred’s father had attacked another resident at the facility. The police were called, and Fred’s father had to face a judge. His father was barred from that facility.
Fred was triggered. And why not? His father had physically and emotionally abused Fred as a kid. Until he left home at 17 years old.
Are you triggered now?
I have three insights for you.
1. You need steps to handle being triggered.
Every time Fred talks with his father, the conversation goes bad. So, Fred sets up a phone call with a friend to occur immediately after such a conversation. They talk a bit about the call. But better than that, they shift to talking about something good. Fred is able to make a shift in thoughts and emotions.
Do you have a pattern so you can feel better after some triggering situation?
2. Focus on doing “a shift.”
Sometimes, the way to stop emotional pain is to shift out of a worn pattern. Something triggers a person, and then they go into a negative spiral. Fred calls a friend to do a shift in thoughts and energy. You can also meditate, pray, and/or go for a walk in nature. The idea is that you avoid losing a whole day to feeling bad.
A person can get value by venting during a chosen time. My husband and I take walks together. I remember my husband saying, “I’m going to vent about the problem until we get to that traffic light. Then let’s talk about something else.” That became our signal to do a “shift.”
Do you have a pattern of making a shift?
3. Consider a “Meditative Walk” to help you release pain.
I have learned to take a certain kind of “meditative walk.” It works better with nearby trees.
As you walk you can say something like:
I thank you my friends, the trees, I thank you grass and shrubs. Help me dissipate the negative energy within me. Negative energy flows downward. Out of my feet. Into the ground. Into Mother Earth. Such energy is now harmless. I am clear. I am safe. So Mote It Be!
Do you feel comfortable to wear a pentacle openly?
A reader asked me a question recently: How do you get a girl to like you if you’re a witch?
I had a thought: Why does it have to be a big deal about being a witch? Why is this question phrased in this way?
My second thought was: The question arrives with “if you’re a witch” because many cultures around the world oppress Wiccans.
The word oppression relates to “prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control.”
Let’s look at that detail control. A horrible form of control is related to when other people seem to get into your mind and make you doubt your feelings and worth.
Before we go further, here is my answer to that person’s question:
How do you get a girl to like you if you’re a witch?
“Your question brings up a number of subtopics.
I’ll work with a couple of ideas.
a) How do you get anyone to like you if they might be repelled by a false idea?
You may have heard of the idea “be yourself.” Which self are we talking about? The self that has bad breath and a hangover on a Saturday morning? Or the self that you’re proud of. The one that is a good listener. Someone who is respectful, kind and compassionate. The self that is open to learning new ideas and approaches—with each day as a fresh opportunity to grow, learn and be kind.
I’m suggesting that you first express your best self. Be a good listener. Be kind, compassionate and friendly. Show a genuine smile at certain moments. These elements are attractive.
I have a friend who asked this question: “If you deal with clinical depression symptoms, do you tell someone that on the first date?” His answer is no. Because the person hasn’t experienced your good points, and they have no investment in your friendship yet.
When you feel it is appropriate, you might share some part of your spiritual path. Still, be careful because there is a lot of false information about witches in popular culture.
b) How does one use magick to make oneself attractive?
First, my Wiccan elders have emphasized that using magick on anyone without their consent is Wrong—do NOT do it.
However, you can use magick on yourself to remove blocks. You might have endured parental neglect or maybe you suffered heartrending rejection. Therefore, you could do a spell to enhance your personal strength. To be a good friend, you need to have the strength to be a good listener and to share your heart. That’s right—friendship requires us to be strong enough to be vulnerable with the right person.
Prayer for Strength
Lord of the Sun grant me your strength and wisdom to hear what is not said,
and to see what is not shown for my heart is alone. May I feel your strength from above
so I grow and attract life giving love.
May this prayer empower you.”
* * * * * *
As we close this conversation here, I want to emphasize that oppression happens when people are afraid of something or don’t understand something.
Yes—plenty of people retain false ideas about Wicca due to popular culture and to some religious leaders actively spreading false information.
However, we can get to know people one at a time. When they know us as a warm, kind, friendly person, they may be more open to learning who we, Wiccans, are.
Most importantly, stay vigilant about what’s in your own mind.
This reminds me of a quote:
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. – Arthur Schopenhauer
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