Divorce. I didn’t want it. My hopes were crushed. More than that, my soul was crushed under my then-husband’s constant berating.

Sometimes, it feels like life “comes for us.” Divorce. Death of a loved one. Job loss. Loss of a close friend.

What do you do when you feel your life has been ruined by some tough life event?

I have three insights for you.

1. Face the trouble; gather support.

I had been married for seven years. I had no idea what would be next. Would my parents take me back? Because I had nowhere to go, even for a brief time?

I was also losing my identity. I had wanted to be a life mate. Someone who loved and was loved.

Now, this was all gone.

But things were worse. I had no support. I was buried in depression symptoms. I had no energy. I could not even think of getting help. Also, I did not see any older people who demonstrated compassion or wisdom (Later, I would have spiritual elders.)

If I could go back and give counsel to my younger self, I would say, “Gather support.” Seek the help of mental health professionals. Seek appropriate spiritual elders. Develop your own self-renewing activities like meditation, exercise (like walking in nature), good nutrition, and sleep.

About “face the trouble”… I did not deny the pain, suffering, and trouble. I did not put a pretty bow on the trouble and call it “a challenge.” No. It was a painful trauma. I needed to grow, stretch, and endure.

How?

Gather support.

In my circle, people I know step forward and make changes.

One friend had to try four chiropractors before finding one who was a match.
Another friend had to see four doctors before hearing about sinus rinse. The other doctors pushed antibiotics. This friend, with a daily sinus rinse, has avoided sinus infections for 15 years.
Another friend “fired” her psychotherapist. Then, she was truly happy with the next therapist she met and worked with.

So, gathering support may require multiple steps.

What can you do to gather support to help you endure a terrible transition?

2. Realize that you’re losing an identity. And build your new identity.

Sometimes we lose an identity and friends. If you step away from drinking alcohol, you may lose your “boozer friends.”

They may resist you changing your lifestyle for a healthier one.

Some friends that aren’t helping you may drift away. Not always quietly.

They may get angry, or even accusatory. They might even try to sabotage you or make you feel you’re not “cool” or “fun,” anymore. Or say things like, “You can just (____) one more time, right?”

Is some old friend sabotaging your new life?

Sometimes, you just need to get the support you really need, that is, from the Gods.

3. Ask the Gods for support.

What can look like ruin to us, may be a step to the Gods.

You can use this prayer to help you.

Goddess,
Help me nurture my inner worth with Your love.
God,
Give me Your strength to resist temptations that may ruin my path.
Gods, guide me and soothe my doubts.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your journey.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater