When You’re Down, A Way to Climb Up
So what have you heard about the burden of depression?
If you’ve experienced it, you know what an oppressive malady it is. If you have not experienced it, it’s hard to convey the essence of the pain.
Ever since I was little, I’ve had feelings of hopelessness and unworthiness. Abuse in the form of beatings from my brother and neglect from my parents, intensified my hopelessness.
I never knew when abuse would fall upon me. There was no rhyme or reason. Abusing a little girl is inexcusable. But what was worse, as that little girl, I felt a torrent of twisted thoughts. I believed the abuse happened because I deserved it.
I’ve heard a number of times that some people had perhaps a teacher that provided the support they didn’t have at home. But I wasn’t that lucky.
I did what I could to survive. I avoided people.
To me, depression was living in a deep, deep hole. A dark place where I was alone. I felt that I deserved this dark place. I had no hope, no love, no respect. I felt worthless. My chest hurt. Just cold putrid rotting meat inside me. The depression made it move and writhe like a carcass filled with maggots. There was more: tar, shards of broken glass, rusty nails.
Escape! That’s all I wanted. At eight years old, I tried to hang myself.
The Gods intervened. The cord broke. Not just once, but every time I tried to commit suicide, the Gods saved me.
They poured their light into a places I never thought any light could reach. My heart and soul. When that happened it was indescribable. It was beyond an epiphany. It was beyond life and death. It was so miraculous I can’t describe the event. Only that it was life-changing in every way.
It changed my thinking, my speaking, my body. It changed my world. It changed me. I was not me anymore, and yet, I was. My memories were the same, my environment was the same, my story was the same.
I knew who I was, and where I had come from. But now it was all different. How I experienced life was completely new.
I still have depression. I no longer identify myself as “a depressed person.” I am a spirit who deals with depression systems. I take medication and I have a helpful therapist. Each day I have good moments. I reconnect with the Gods on a daily basis. Even as I write this, my altar gleams with a glowing candle.
The Gods gave me a gift of self-love. I want to show you the way to it. I can’t walk this path for you, but I can show you my own path and walk side by side with you on yours.
Here is a chant you can recite to yourself when you’re hurting:
By the Sun and by the Moon,
Let the Gods’ light be my boon.
Shining deep and shining far,
May I be healed by every star.
I saw it then, I see it now,
Darkness be gone right here, right now!
You can use this short chant whenever you are feeling low. For example you can use this chant during meditation, lighting a candle or as a prelude to a meditation.
As always, let me know your experiences using this chant by using the comments box below. I would love to hear them.