“I’ve reached the end of my rope,” my friend, Rhonda, said. “I can’t bend anymore. I can’t take any more.”
I nodded.
I saw it in Rhonda’s eyes. She knew that I understood.
That’s because she knew my story. During my first marriage, I told my husband that we needed to have food in the house. But he didn’t care. He took care of himself by buying fast food. And overspending on his own video games.
That, plus more details, inspired me to go for a real boundary of “I’m not going to live like this.” I filed for divorce. One of my best decisions.
I have insights for you.
1. State your boundary. Make it brief. Say, “I need this.”
During my first marriage, I would try to “make my case.” He did not listen. He did not care. Instead, I’ve learned to say, “I need this walkway clear.”
That’s the full thought.
I don’t need to plead and have to justify what I need.
I have worth as a human being. The Gods placed divinity within me. And within you.
“Live your earthly life fully, but try to see the spiritual aspects of your activities as well. Remember—the physical and spiritual are but reflections of each other.” – Scott Cunningham
2. Realize that your boundary mirrors boundaries in nature.
“We cannot and must not give love to others before we have respect and love for ourselves.” – Scott Cunningham
Realize that the Goddess wants your well-being.
I remember that the bark of a Redwood Tree is highly fire-resistant.
The bark protects the tree’s core. Redwoods can survive all but the most extreme fires.
Again, we, witches, learn from nature.
Maintain a good and strong boundary.
You, like the glorious Redwood Tree, are loved and valued by the God and Goddess.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Gods, Surround me with your protection, Like the mother bear who protects her young, Or the lion who protects his pride. Here me now, and surround me with your protection on this Day/Night! So Mote It Be!
Divorce. I didn’t want it. My hopes were crushed. More than that, my soul was crushed under my then-husband’s constant berating.
Sometimes, it feels like life “comes for us.” Divorce. Death of a loved one. Job loss. Loss of a close friend.
What do you do when you feel your life has been ruined by some tough life event?
I have three insights for you.
1. Face the trouble; gather support.
I had been married for seven years. I had no idea what would be next. Would my parents take me back? Because I had nowhere to go, even for a brief time?
I was also losing my identity. I had wanted to be a life mate. Someone who loved and was loved.
Now, this was all gone.
But things were worse. I had no support. I was buried in depression symptoms. I had no energy. I could not even think of getting help. Also, I did not see any older people who demonstrated compassion or wisdom (Later, I would have spiritual elders.)
If I could go back and give counsel to my younger self, I would say, “Gather support.” Seek the help of mental health professionals. Seek appropriate spiritual elders. Develop your own self-renewing activities like meditation, exercise (like walking in nature), good nutrition, and sleep.
About “face the trouble”… I did not deny the pain, suffering, and trouble. I did not put a pretty bow on the trouble and call it “a challenge.” No. It was a painful trauma. I needed to grow, stretch, and endure.
How?
Gather support.
In my circle, people I know step forward and make changes.
One friend had to try four chiropractors before finding one who was a match.
Another friend had to see four doctors before hearing about sinus rinse. The other doctors pushed antibiotics. This friend, with a daily sinus rinse, has avoided sinus infections for 15 years.
Another friend “fired” her psychotherapist. Then, she was truly happy with the next therapist she met and worked with.
So, gathering support may require multiple steps.
What can you do to gather support to help you endure a terrible transition?
2. Realize that you’re losing an identity. And build your new identity.
Sometimes we lose an identity and friends. If you step away from drinking alcohol, you may lose your “boozer friends.”
They may resist you changing your lifestyle for a healthier one.
Some friends that aren’t helping you may drift away. Not always quietly.
They may get angry, or even accusatory. They might even try to sabotage you or make you feel you’re not “cool” or “fun,” anymore. Or say things like, “You can just (____) one more time, right?”
Is some old friend sabotaging your new life?
Sometimes, you just need to get the support you really need, that is, from the Gods.
3. Ask the Gods for support.
What can look like ruin to us, may be a step to the Gods.
You can use this prayer to help you.
Goddess, Help me nurture my inner worth with Your love. God, Give me Your strength to resist temptations that may ruin my path. Gods, guide me and soothe my doubts. So Mote It Be.
In recent months, a number of heartbroken people have asked for help to reignite love. Some turn to certain individuals to do “a love spell.” As you’ll see in this post, focusing on self-love and the Gods brings some peace and calm.
Here are three insights:
Avoid trying to change the other person.
The first thing to focus on is that it is unethical to attempt to do a love spell and try to do something that is against another person’s will.
You have probably noticed that when you attempt to push someone, you get what you do not want—resistance.
It is better to attract the person. Attract their interest.
How do we do that? We focus on rituals and meditation that are focused on enhancing our own personal aliveness and attractiveness.
It’s about bringing the other person close and enhancing your attractiveness.
We’re talking about reigniting love, so this is about a relationship that worked earlier. People come together because of mutual attraction.
In a long-term relationship, it becomes a dance. One partner pursues, and the other person at times draws back. The hope is that this fluctuation does not become too extreme.
To reignite love, you can look at what were your personal attractive qualities. Were you a good listener? Did you make your partner feel strong, intelligent, important, even sexy?
Perhaps, you’re in a time now in which stress (personal or even medical) has upset the balance. Some witches fortify their personal balance and health by doing meditation and rituals to invite the Gods’ support.
Being attractive and feeling attractive does not work if you are upside down.
To bring another person close, you need to be attentive to their needs.
“[Your partner needs answers] to these questions: Can I reach you? (Accessibility) … Can I rely on you to respond and care about my feelings? (Responsiveness) … Will you value me, put me first, and stay close? (Engagement).” – Dr. Sue Johnson
Because of how tough life can be and how we go through rough phases, it can be truly difficult to have the energy to be attentive to your partner’s needs. Still, it is a critical process. Some people find it necessary to get counseling so they have someone else to talk to.
Ask the Gods to help release those elements that block your natural attractiveness.
Here is a candle ritual to help you strengthen yourself, enhance your attractiveness and support the bond you share with your partner.
First, use olive oil and “dress the candle”—that is, you apply the oil from the wick to the base. Be sure to use only a small amount of olive oil on the white candle.
Set up your candle so you can safely light it.
Prayer for Reigniting Love Ritual
Lord and Lady, Thank you for Your support. Guide me to respond and Not react in this time. Give me Your strength. Enhance my attractiveness. Bring my [partner] and me closer. Enhance our feelings of love. Let us recapture the feelings of joy And aliveness we knew before— And have our feelings now blossom Into this new form of deeper love. Replace my fear with Openness, curiosity, and warmth. Have my [partner] wake up to This new chapter for us. Release us from the shackles of Disappointment, conflict, and fear. Lord and Lady, Reignite our love, Strengthen our bond, And have joy return to our hearts. For this or better. So mote it be.
Be certain to safely burn the candle all the way down until it is extinguished on its own. (Safety tip: Do not leave a lit candle unattended.)
“I told her that I trust her with something that, in my local community, I have to keep confidential,” Julie began. “I made her promise me—but she told my secret to everybody. And now they shun me!”
“She told them you are Wiccan,” I said, realizing.
Have you had a similar situation in your life? Has someone betrayed you and now you just can’t get the painful thoughts and feelings out? Does it feel like you’re being ripped apart?
To heal after betrayal, we notice a process …
Stages:
Identify the betrayal
The point here is that you need to acknowledge to yourself that you have been wronged. This person made a decision that caused you harm. Before my divorce, I put up with bad actions of my then-husband. Part of gaining the strength to leave him was for me to put my foot down and declare in my own mind: “This is wrong. I will not endure this, anymore.”
Feel the pain
Acknowledge the pain. Feel it. Until you do, you can’t grow and move past it. Additionally, until you feel the pain you might not have the energy to push through and move on. My then-husband would drain our joint account of money to buy his video games and there would be no food in the apartment. He would feed himself with fast food and think nothing of me.
I had to feel the pain and gather my strength to get the hell away from him. (By the way, I’m so glad because after the divorce, I was free to find my soulmate. It’s so much better now.)
Perhaps, you’re like me, and you’d like a break from feeling so much pain. In fact, I had a recent meditation session in which I asked the God and Goddess, “Why do I have to be in such pain?”
Their answer made me pause. They said, “Pain is to grow.”
So, feeling the pain is where growth happens. I know it sucks. But pain is the fuel that creates growth.
Protect yourself from more trouble
This is where you need to cut all contact with the person. You can do the ritual below for this.
Here are the steps of True Separation:
Verbally end the relationship
Stay away from the person.
Ground yourself.
Cast circle.
Do the Separation Ritual (see below).
Do the Cakes and Wine ritual.
Close the circle.
Finally continue to have no contact with the toxic person.
You will need your usual ritual items to cast circle and your altar. As I mentioned you will also have a length of yarn or piece of red string. The yarn/string must be long enough to encircle your own waist and to encircle the object (that represents the toxic person).
The Separation Ritual
Take the object. First, your will asperge it. Asperge means to sprinkle the holy water with your fingers onto the object.
With the holy water, asperge and say:
I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
Next you will cense the object. Cense means to waft incense smoke over the object.
With the incense smoke, cense and say:
I bless and charge you with air and fire.
Then take the string/yarn and cense and asperge it as well and say:
I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
I bless and charge you with air and fire.
Take the red string/yarn in your hands saying:
Tiny bundle of String/yarn
You are now the same as the bonds between me and Name of person.
Tie one end of the string/yarn to the object and then encircle your waist with the other end of the string/yarn, while you say:
You are the bonds that connect us now.
From me to Name of person and from Name of person to me.
Our connection is by thee.
Sit and concentrate on the bond between you both and see it as the string/yarn that now connects you and the object. Once you have a firm connection with that thought, take the boline and cut the string/yarn, seeing in your mind’s eye the astral bonds being cut along with the string/yarn.
Once you complete the cut, say:
I am now free of the ties of Name of person as he/she is of me.
May my happiness expand, and may Name of person’s happiness expand.
Blessed be.
Finish up with the Cakes and Wine part of the ritual and then close the Circle.
Call upon the God and Goddess to assist with your healing
Meditate and pray to the Gods for strength. Here is a prayer you can use.
Heal my heart and mind, Free me of violence that binds Keep me safe and sane from [his/her] madness, Let me stay centered and stay strong as my own badass. So mote it be!
Circle the Wagons with Friends
Keep your true friends close to you. Confide in them and let them build you back up.
Move into Inner Peace
Now that you are centered and have had your friends strengthen you, you can now move into peace. You now know that you have separated yourself from the betrayer, and you have surrounded yourself with the love of your true friends and the God and Goddess.
Keep in mind there is a difference between acceptance and approval. You do not approve of the betrayer’s actions. Eventually, you might get to the point of acceptance. What would you be accepting? You would accept that the person was caught up in their own crap, and you weren’t even a fly on their windshield. We notice that people can be seriously self-centered and cruel.
But acceptance is not approval. Acceptance is realizing that you went through an event, and today you are not ruled by it.
May this material support you and bring you peace.
One of my readers asked, “Do you have any stories of Wiccan spells that were successful?”
I have a number of stories about successful spells. Here I’ll provide two such examples.
Spell for Separation and an Easier Divorce Process
Years ago, I was in an abusive marriage. I was afraid that in asking for a divorce, I’d open a door to even more pain and trouble.
After I said, “I want a divorce,” I did a Separation Ritual. I was surprised how my then-husband gave no trouble and simply signed the divorce papers. What a relief!
Here are the steps of True Separation:
Verbally end the relationship
Stay away from the person.
Ground yourself.
Cast circle.
Do the Separation Ritual (see below).
Do the Cakes and Wine ritual.
Close the circle.
Finally continue to have no contact with the toxic person.
You will need your usual ritual items to cast circle and your altar. As I mentioned you will also have a length of yarn or piece of red string. The yarn/string must be long enough to encircle your own waist and to encircle the object (that represents the toxic person).
The Separation Ritual
Take the object. First, your will asperge it. Asperge means to sprinkle the holy water with your fingers onto the object.
With the holy water, asperge and say:
I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
Next you will cense the object. Cense means to waft incense smoke over the object.
With the incense smoke, cense and say:
I bless and charge you with air and fire.
Then take the string/yarn and cense and asperge it as well and say:
I cleanse and consecrate you by water and earth.
I bless and charge you with air and fire.
Take the red string/yarn in your hands saying:
Tiny bundle of String/yarn
You are now the same as the bonds between me and Name of person.
Tie one end of the string/yarn to the object and then encircle your waist with the other end of the string/yarn, while you say:
You are the bonds that connect us now.
From me to Name of person and from Name of person to me.
Our connection is by thee.
Sit and concentrate on the bond between you both and see it as the string/yarn that now connects you and the object. Once you have a firm connection with that thought, take the boline and cut the string/yarn, seeing in your mind’s eye the astral bonds being cut along with the string/yarn.
Once you complete the cut, say:
I am now free of the ties of Name of person as he/she is of me.
May my happiness expand, and may Name of person’s happiness expand.
Blessed be.
Finish up with the cakes and wine part of the ritual and then close the circle.
And you’re done.
Separating ourselves from toxic people is important for our happiness and well being. It even blesses the life of the other person. You are doing yourself and the other person a favor.
I trust that this ritual will help you be happier and healthier.
* * * * * *
Second Story About a Successful Spell
At one point, my family was going through some money difficulties.
I did the following Money Spell and one of my family members got a new client!
In light of that, here is a Money Spell.
Money Spell
You will need:
A green candle
“A check to yourself from the Universe”*
Cauldron
Money drawing oil
Money Oil (add drops of essential oils together)
3 parts ginger
2 parts orange
4 parts pine
2 parts cinnamon
1/2 part chamomile
1 part cedar wood
5 parts jasmine (optional)
matches or a lighter
* We create a check from the Universe by writing the amount we want and writing “from the Universe for the Good of All” in the memo section on the check.
Warning: ONLY work this spell during the waxing moon.
Dress the green candle properly. (That is, dab your finger in the money oil and rub the candle repeatedly from wick to base—until the whole candle is covered in money oil.)
As you dress the candle, envision money flowing into your life.
Light the candle and chant the following out loud:
As I light this candle so,
Make my money grow and grow,
Let it flow without rhyme or reason,
Each and every turn of season,
Filling up my pockets so wide,
Let me enjoy this happy ride,
Make me stronger than the ocean tides,
Manifesting my will to coincide,
With no malice, woe or hitches,
May there be no mess or jinxes,
With no need of fear of ruin,
Let it rain money, bless my journey.
An it harm none, so mote it be!
Now hold the “Check from the Universe.” Light the check via the candle and place the check in the cauldron to burn safely.
Watch the flame as it burns the check.
Meditate while focusing on the flame of the green candle.
When you are ready, place the green candle in a safe place and let the candle burn completely out. [Do NOT leave an untended candle. Stay safe.]
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