“I don’t understand prayer. With some people I know, it sounds like they’re trying to use God as an Amazon products order form,” my friend, Amanda, said.
“I hear you,” I replied. “I think of it as a dialogue. I know that God and Goddess want me to blossom into my full destiny.”
“But I don’t get it. Why does God allow us to suffer so much?” Amanda continued.
That’s a big question.
Here are three insights.
1. Acknowledge that something has arrived as a problem that you did NOT want.
Some people try to put a smiley face on a problem. They call it a challenge. It works better for me to acknowledge that it really is a problem.
How about you? Do you feel irritated about putting the “nice” label of “challenge” upon something that bothers you?
2. Make the shift from wanting something just for you to seeing a different kind of opportunity.
Let’s go back to Amanda’s comment about wanting Deity to merely give us what we want.
Sometimes, what we get is something we would NOT have asked for. Migraine headaches? No! I don’t want that.
But I get something else. I have compassion for anyone facing health troubles.
Sometimes, we have experiences that feel like suffering, but they give us opportunities … – to expand our understanding, our compassion, our empathy. – to perhaps, serve and support others who experience the suffering we have endured.
Here’s another thought. What do we want? To feel “alive!” For many of us, feeling connected and having a purpose can provide a truly good feeling. For example, when I did volunteer work at The Peninsula Humane Society, I felt part of a team that was helping animals. I could make a difference. For the first few months, I felt on purpose.
Have you experienced something difficult, and later you could support someone facing something similar?
3. Ask Goddess for the Shift and the Strength.
Here’s a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Bless me to shift out of self-focus. Guide me to know that my suffering can serve To help me grow in strength, compassion, and empathy. Empower me on my path. So Mote It Be.
My friend, Alfonso, found himself in a big disagreement with a friend. As he described the situation, I realized that both friends have a different “personal rhythm.”
Here are three insights.
1. Be observant.
Some research points to different VAK Learning Styles. That’s Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic (touch or doing actions). Some people lean toward watching videos. Others listen to audiobooks.
Alfonso ran into the situation that he is “visual.” His pace of talking is like a music video with the rapid cutting together of shots (images).
His friend, Julie, is an auditory person. She talks slower. She enjoys the sound and tonality of voices.
When Alfonso quickly changed topics in a conversation with Julie, she felt rushed and offended.
Have you noticed that you have a different style or personal rhythm than a loved one – in conversation?
2. Be flexible.
Alfonso can be flexible and take responsibility for his own conversation patterns. He can choose to call Julie when he has a day off. Alfonso is just too frantic at work—even on a 15-minute break.
Some people say, “A friend would just put up with my quirks.” Maybe so. Maybe not. Why sow seeds of discontent?
We, Wiccans, look to the natural world.
Who is wrong? The hummingbird with a fast pace, or a tortoise with a slow pace? The natural world has space for different creatures and different attributes.
So, we can make space for different people with different rhythms.
Are you too tired to be flexible?
(A side note: Do you know who are the comfortable people at which event? Speech therapists at their own convention. Why? They demonstrate patience… and they listen.)
3. Ask the Goddess for strength and insight.
Here is a prayer you can use:
Goddess, Give me Your grace and strength, To see the good in people and not just write them off as difficult. Give me Your insight, To see their view on things and not be stuck in my own opinion. Guide me, teach me, show me a new perspective of my fellow beings. So Mote It Be.
“Not here in the work area,” my husband said. “Would you consider us talking in the other room?” “Yes,” I said. We talked about how his two jobs were causing him to lose sleep and sound irritable. “It’s not fair that I have to put up with a ‘grumpy bear,’” I said. Instead of being defensive, he talked about his own responsibilities. “I’m going to pick nights when I do not watch any YouTube videos. That’s how I miss some sleep.”
I’m grateful that my husband and I are being careful to protect our relationship.
I have three insights for you.
1. Notice if you ever communicate that you’re “satisfied.”
Recently, I learned that many couples go to therapy when one partner is “distant.” Another reason is that one partner is “never satisfied.”
I’ve learned to say, “You did good,” to my husband. Even if I do not feel good. And that’s often because I have clinical depression symptoms.
I realized that if one partner feels the other person is “never satisfied,” the first person just gives up. And that creates distance. It’s certainly the opposite of closeness.
The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes: * You need to let your partner know they did good, even when you’re already feeling bad. * You may need to just own your painful feelings. And, you may have to realize that your partner cannot simply “make you happy.”
I’ve seen films in which a father asks a young daughter: “Does he (her suitor) make you happy?” “Yes, Daddy,” she replies. “All right, then,” the father says.
That’s a big order to make another human “happy.” The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes that we must take responsibility for how we live in this world. Do we meditate, pray, exercise, perform rituals, and get enough rest? No one can do that for you. (Yes, I know that you knew that.)
Do you let your friend or loved one know that they “did good”?
2. Honor your partner.
“Honor all living things, for we are of the stag, and the salmon, and the bee; so destroy not life, save it be to preserve your own.” – Scott Cunningham
How do you honor your partner? Say things in a respectful way.
Not respectful: You always forget to do the right thing. You don’t take out the garbage or turn on the dishwasher.
Respectful: Please consider taking out the garbage tonight. Thank you. I really appreciate it.
You’re talking to an adult. You are respectful of your partner’s autonomy.
How do you talk to your partner?
3. Invite the Goddess in how you act to shape your life.
“We can’t point at an image of an evil god, such as Satan, and blame it for our faults and weaknesses. We can’t blame fate. Every second of each day we’re creating our futures, shaping the courses of our lives.” – Scott Cunningham
Here is a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Help me show my partner, With my words and actions, they are enough. Give me the wisdom to speak compassionately to them and myself. Help me support them and myself, To know “I am satisfied,” Even if I do not have the feelings of happiness. So mote it be.
My first husband would disappear for hours into his own video games world. Eventually, I realized that there was no way to really connect. I tried to go into his world. I would assist him with his strategies for gaming. At one point, he got stuck. I was the one who noticed that his character needed to jump and grab ahold of a cliff face.
I tried to earn his love by doing what he wanted.
We were young. Still, at some point, I knew that this marriage must end. My decision for the divorce was one of my better decisions.
Are you trying to earn love?
I have three insights for you.
1. Be aware of fear around being “needy.”
I have noticed a difference between “being needy” and “being human.” Being human includes wanting to be heard—especially by your life mate. Being “needy” may include putting all of your emotional needs upon one person. Where is the fear here?
For many of us, we fear that we’ll never get the kindness, support, and comfort we crave. What can we do? Develop a support system.
For example, my second husband is in weekly contact with about eight people. He avoids leaning too much on any one individual.
If one of his friends is too busy, he just reaches out to others. Do you need a circle of friends?
2. Notice if you’re trying to earn somebody’s love.
Are you “always available” for a loved one? Do they ever give you the space to have quiet time for yourself?
Do you always have to drop everything to fulfill their needs? And, does this feel healthy to you? On the other hand, mutual respect and giving to the other makes a healthy relationship. It is healthy for you to receive from your loved one. So it’s not about “earning love,” it is about sharing kindness.
3. Ask Goddess to transform your experience of love and belonging.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Uplift my experience of love. Guide me away from fear and neediness. Show me how to create a circle of support. Envelope me with Your strength. Reveal ways for me to love myself, And increase my capacity to love others. So Mote It Be.
“I apologize for my tone,” my friend, Ian, told the nurse practitioner during his phone call. He called because for four days he was having pain in the back of his head. He was unsteady when he stood up. “I’m scared. I have so much hope. I have people who love me, and I love them,” Ian continued.
Are you dealing with health difficulties?
I have three insights for you.
1. Acknowledge the fear.
Ian is afraid to lose his life just when good things are going on. Do you connect with this? We notice that it is important to acknowledge one’s true experience. Fear is often connected with the dread of losing something. Losing time with loved ones can feel devastating. It is valuable to have someone to talk to. Perhaps, you can turn to spiritual elders, a certain friend, or a therapist.
Who can you talk to?
2. Acknowledge how moment-to-moment you experience “shifts” in the day.
Ian pauses. He takes a deep breath. He notices that his dizziness does not stay the same throughout the whole day. He also notices that the body’s symptoms are signals. Many authors emphasize that “the body is a communication device.”
What is your body saying to you? Is it saying: “Slow down”? Or “take care”? Or “get more sleep”?
You may need to see a physician, therapist, or psychiatrist.
3. Invite the Gods to comfort you in your time of need.
When I feel like cr@p or don’t know what to do, I talk to the Gods. I pray or ask, “What do I need to learn about this?”
Here is a prayer you can use.
Honorable Lord and Gracious Lady, Give me comfort in my time of need. Hold me close. Guide me to good choices in this and all situations. Open my eyes to see wisdom and truth. Let me learn from this moment in my life. So Mote It Be.
“I had to talk to some officials about my father,” my friend, Fred, said. He looked shaken. His elderly father was continuing his violent ways.
“They want me to sign some paperwork. But I don’t know what the hell my father will do next,” Fred continued. Fred’s father had attacked another resident at the facility. The police were called, and Fred’s father had to face a judge. His father was barred from that facility.
Fred was triggered. And why not? His father had physically and emotionally abused Fred as a kid. Until he left home at 17 years old.
Are you triggered now?
I have three insights for you.
1. You need steps to handle being triggered.
Every time Fred talks with his father, the conversation goes bad. So, Fred sets up a phone call with a friend to occur immediately after such a conversation. They talk a bit about the call. But better than that, they shift to talking about something good. Fred is able to make a shift in thoughts and emotions.
Do you have a pattern so you can feel better after some triggering situation?
2. Focus on doing “a shift.”
Sometimes, the way to stop emotional pain is to shift out of a worn pattern. Something triggers a person, and then they go into a negative spiral. Fred calls a friend to do a shift in thoughts and energy. You can also meditate, pray, and/or go for a walk in nature. The idea is that you avoid losing a whole day to feeling bad.
A person can get value by venting during a chosen time. My husband and I take walks together. I remember my husband saying, “I’m going to vent about the problem until we get to that traffic light. Then let’s talk about something else.” That became our signal to do a “shift.”
Do you have a pattern of making a shift?
3. Consider a “Meditative Walk” to help you release pain.
I have learned to take a certain kind of “meditative walk.” It works better with nearby trees.
As you walk you can say something like:
I thank you my friends, the trees, I thank you grass and shrubs. Help me dissipate the negative energy within me. Negative energy flows downward. Out of my feet. Into the ground. Into Mother Earth. Such energy is now harmless. I am clear. I am safe. So Mote It Be!
I felt gutted by an awful text. This person does not know me, but they showed big-time irritation. I used words like “Sorry for the inconvenience. ….. mistake …. Please let me know about …. Thank you.” But this person made a big thing out of a small situation.
Have you recently received an awful text?
I have three insights for you.
1. Avoid ruminating.
The text really bothered me. I felt the person was so irritated at me for such a small matter. I had trouble falling asleep that night because I just kept ruminating on what I could have said to make the situation better.
Do you ever pause and realize that it does not matter what you might have said? That is, some people are just twisted. They’re going to be mad at somebody—and you just happened along.
To avoid ruminating, you can run a chant in your mind. Something like: Thank you, Goddess. I’m grateful for all my blessings.” You can repeat this over and over – in your mind – and perhaps, fall asleep.
2. Do what you can—let go of the rest.
The thread of texts ended with the other person insisting that she not be bothered. The problem was one I did not create. The delivery service screwed up the address on my order.
Dealing with the other person, I just replied with “Certainly.” End of conversation.
I don’t know what was going on in this person’s life. Maybe they are having family problems. Or perhaps, they fear losing their job. Who knows?
So, I guide myself by saying, “You did your best and let go of the rest.”
3. Invite Goddess to Support You by Pouring “Clear Water” into you.
Years ago, I saw a workshop leader pour clear water into a glass cup that was befouled with inky water. The clear water went in. The inky water flowed out … until only clear water remained in the glass cup.
I did a brief meditation. I visualized myself as a vessel of water befouled with the negativity of that text. I then used a prayer to the Goddess. I invited the Goddess to pour “clear water” into me.
Prayer to the Goddess:
Dear Lady of the Moon Guide me to stay strong Pour Your loving energy like clear water into me. Have negative energy flow out through my feet Dissipating into the earth Made Harmless to all. So Mote It Be.
“Are you lonely?” I asked Rene, someone in my circle.
“What? Me? No, I’m all right,” she replied quickly.
She did not seem all right.
Some definitions of loneliness include: A state of mind in which the person feels “empty, alone, and unwanted.” (noted at verywellmind . com)
Let’s face this together. We, witches, can feel lonely because certain spiritual paths openly discriminate against us.
How can you strengthen yourself and rise out of loneliness?
Here are three insights:
1. Call out the idea of “being broken.”
Has this happened to you? You felt broken in some way, and you had no energy to interact with anyone…?
I have had this for many days, due to my depression symptoms. I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing but sleep and weep.
But what I really need to do is get my butt out of bed and do stuff. Even though I don’t feel like it.
By doing something that fulfills one of my responsibilities (caring for my elderly parents and their medical appointments), I build myself up. How? I have evidence that I am taking action. I am doing good things. I am capable and worthy.
My depression symptoms call me “broken.” But my actions show evidence that I am capable.
2. Make your healing independent of another human’s approval.
I do many things to heal without others’ interference or approval. I brew Mead and wine. I knit and make soap from scratch. I also like to bake. All of these things I do for me.
Yes, it’s nice to share my art with others. I enjoy giving my works to people to appreciate. But that is independent of why I do what I do.
To me making a good brew or bars of soap is good healing. What am I healing? I am rising from the pain caused by my depression symptoms to create my art.
I like the process of creating things. I enjoy the end products, too.
I make sure to take walks and do a bit of weight training.
Are you doing something for your health and peace of mind?
3. Ask the Goddess for support for your new “first step” actions.
To alleviate loneliness, one often needs to take certain steps forward. Perhaps, you decide to attend an in-person workshop. If you’re an introvert, you may need to practice asking some questions.
Rehearsing for talking with new people takes energy.
Consider praying to the Goddess for support and new energy.
A Prayer:
Lovely Lady, Bless me with your support for good healing. Fill me with empowering energy. Guide me to prepare to meet new people. Support me as I talk with people So, I have the energy to truly listen. May You light my way in the darkness. So that I may create connections and friendships. So Mote It Be.
“Every time, in every phone conversation, my father cuts me down. Every conversation is torture,” my friend, Nicholas, said.
“It sounds like shielding might help you,” I replied.
“I don’t know about that. My father won’t change,” Nicholas said.
“It’s about you. Keeping you strong. Helping you have healthy boundaries,” I said.
Nicholas agreed, and I led him through a shielding meditation.
About a half hour later, Nicholas called me.
“It was so different. Maybe, it was the energy I was expressing,” Nicholas said. “For once, my father and I had an ‘okay’ conversation. And when he started to go off the rails, I said, ‘We have had a good conversation. It’s time for us to complete this. Take care.’” Nicholas then ended the phone conversation with his father.
“That worked!” Nicholas said.
Sometimes, it seems that we, witches, lose our way for a time. It is almost like we need to “keep proving that Wicca works.” For Nicholas, the personal shielding meditation and good results reminded him vividly that Wicca works.
Personal shielding can be a valuable addition to your life.
One of my favorite exercises is to put up The Cosmic Egg Shield.
The Tree of Life Meditation/Cosmic Egg Shield
Meditation Exercise–“The Tree of Life”
Slowly breathe in and out. Breathe in the energy of love and peace (envision this as white energy). Breathe out all stress and negativity (envision this as black smoke). Keep taking deep breaths in and out. Concentrate on the white energy being breathed in and filling up your body with loving energy. Then let go and breathe out the negative energy you see as black smoke. As you do this, release the stresses of the day. Repeat this breathing cycle at least three times until you are comfortable and relaxed.
As your body and mind begin to relax, continue deep breathing and focus on this image:
Envision roots made up of energy sprouting from the bottoms of your feet. With each breath, extend the roots farther and farther down toward Mother Earth.
Extend them down through the floor, down past the plumbing of the house, and down, down deep into Mother Earth’s body. Go down to her core, to the center of her heart.
Once there, with each breath in, pull up the energy from Mother Earth. Breathe out the stress, and breathe in the blue-green energy of Mother Earth.
Pull the energy up through your roots, up past the plumbing of the house, past the floor, and into your feet. The energy feels clean and refreshing.
Breathe in deeply. Pull the blue-green energy up into your legs and past your knees. Pull it up, up into your Root Chakra at the base of your spine. Let it fill your body, going up, up into your Sacral Chakra, and continuing to your Solar Plexus Chakra. Breathing in deeply, draw the energy up into your Heart Chakra. Let the energy flow down your arms and into your hands. Feel your body relax as the energy fills it.
Breathing in, draw the energy up into your Throat Chakra.
Concentrate on the blue-green energy filling your body. When you are ready, with another breath in, breathe the energy up into your Third Eye Chakra.
Using your breath, draw the energy up into your Crown Chakra. Feel the energy flow throughout your body.
With another breath in, pull the energy up and out of your head. The energy forms like branches toward the Sky above you. Continue and let the branches flow up to the universe and out into the cosmos.
Draw down the golden energy of the Sky and universe into you. Continue to let the Sky energy intermingle and mix with the Earth energy that is already there. Pull it down through your body and into your arms.
Continue breathing deeply, mixing and pulling the energies down to your Heart Chakra.
Breathe in again, pulling the energy of the universe down into your Solar Plexus Chakra.
Continue pulling in the energy. Let it flow into you. Pull it into your Root Chakra. Breathing deeply, pull it down your legs and down to your feet.
Feel the energy from both the Earth Mother and the Sky Father that is within you.
Now focus on pulling this mixed energy out from the top of your head once more. But this time let it cascade down all around you like a waterfall until it completely surrounds you.
With a deep breath in, take the energy and push it out in all directions into an egg shape around you. This is the Cosmic Egg of Protection.
Keep breathing and as you do so, push out more and more energy into your egg.
Your egg gets stronger and stronger.
And when you are satisfied with the strength of your egg stop and relax.
In a moment or two, slowly start to pull your branches back within you, pulling them in with each breath.
Let any extra energy dissipate through the roots that you had placed into the Earth from your feet, keeping the egg intact.
Now breathe the roots up, and back into your body just like the branches that were above you. Give yourself over to the total relaxation you now feel.
In a moment or two—and when you are ready—open your eyes.
[Please know that you can record the above meditation and then listen to it later. Or you could invite a friend to read the above script and guide you through the meditation.]
You have now made the Cosmic Egg Shield. This shield will protect you from absorbing negative energy. It will repel any baneful energy thrown at you.
“Is it true that magick can heal someone permanently?” Alena, one of my friends, asked another friend.
“I helped my old therapist heal from cancer,” Nadine replied.
“With their permission?” Alenda asked.
Nadine winced. It looked like she did not specifically ask her therapist before she did the healing spell. We, witches, know that we must get permission before doing magick—even for helping another.
I have three insights about magick and healing.
1. Pause to consider what is truly healing.
I came across this comment from Rabbi Harold Kushner. This Rabbi lost his son Aaron to a rare aging disease when the boy was only 14 years old. Rabbi Harold said: “I am a more sensitive person, a more effective pastor, a more sympathetic counselor because of Aaron’s life and death than I would ever have been without it. And I would give up all those gains in a second if could have my son back.”
Rabbi Harold became a deeper and more helpful person. Perhaps, he healed some rough edges as he learned to deal with his own grief.
It can be helpful to ask in prayer or during meditation: “Goddess, what do I need to learn?” or “Goddess, where do I need to grow?”
2. Realize that “you don’t run this show.”
One of my friends, Fred, said that he wants to stay as healthy as long as possible to support his wife. But then he said, “But I don’t run this show.” By “show,” he meant his life and the universe.
One of the helpful personality traits is “openness.” We, witches, through ritual, prayer, and meditation can keep a healthy openness to explore healing—as we need it.
3. A Healing Spell
Here is a healing spell you can do.
A Candle Healing Spell
Healing can be done in many ways. You can use herbs, colors, candles, and more.
The simplest way to do healing is to light a candle for a sick person. Wiccans use two parts to the process: Dressing the candle and stating the purpose for the use of the candle.
To dress the candle means The process of putting your desire into the candle. As you clearly envision your wish, rub anointing oil (olive oil will suffice) on the candle. Spread the oil from the top of the candle to the bottom. Rubbing from the top of the candle to the bottom draws or attracts a desire to you. If you wish to repel something, for example, an illness or bad luck, you will rub from the bottom end of the candle to the top. This pushes away what you wish to repel.
For the second part, you state the purpose of using the candle. Here is an example:
“I send healing energy to (name of person).”
A quick note on ethics and magick: When doing any spell work for another person you must ask for their consent first. If you do not ask, you may be working against their will. So always ask first.
2) Take a photo of the sick person. Asperge (sprinkle with holy water) and cense (waft incense smoke around) it. Be careful with the photo, I suggest asperging it on the back so the image is not ruined. Also, asperge it very lightly.
3) Take the blue candle and asperge and cense it.
4) Dress your candle (see the discussion above).
5) Charge the candle with its task. (Send healing energy into the candle by holding it in your hands and drawing energy up through the earth, through you, and into the candle. The process of drawing energy up consists of visualizing energy (you might imagine energy strands) rising from the earth into your feet and so on.
6) Take the photo and place it on the pentagram on your altar.
7) Place the candle on the photo. Use the taper to light the candle from the working candle.
8) Look at the flame of the candle while concentrating on your desire to heal the person. Take your time with this step. This is a great time to chant any words of power (if you have written some). Remember, these words of power could be a small prayer or rhyme talking about how the person is now healed.
9) Keep focusing that energy into the flame of the candle and into the photo under it. (Focusing energy means keep concentrating on the flame and focusing your thoughts on the intention that the person is healed.)
10) You will be letting the candle burn down completely. Warning: Be sure to place it in a safe place (perhaps, in a bathtub or sink). And make sure you do not burn the photo! Use a fire-safe container for the candle to be in. Be sure to avoid leaving a candle unattended. That is, do NOT leave the room while your candle is burning down.
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