I’m writing this as I am in a blackout with my computer battery almost dead.
Oh, wait! Just the day before, a flood caused by torrential rain and a clogged drain created a river to engulf my car. Ooooh. Urban living.
This is not a challenge. This is a problem. Well, two problems.
Years ago, many people were running around trying to replace “problem” with “challenge.”
When I had to move to this place of the flood and blackout … it wasn’t my idea. Life kicked me forward.
I need a new idea about a problem.
Here’s a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Help me see that it’s not just a problem, It’s a beginning. Help me to cherish the transformation, So I see the amazing process that is the adventure. So Mote It Be
“My husband just shuts down,” my friend, Lisa, said. “I can’t get him to correct what he’s doing.”
Later, I had a thought based on some Wiccan and magick ideas.
Here are three insights.
1. Carefully choose words, and you wield energy.
“Magic isn’t the empty parroting of words and actions; it is an involved, emotionally charged experience in which the words and actions are used as focal points or keys to unlock the power that we all possess.” – Scott Cunningham
You have the power to encourage or shut down a person.
Notice this difference:
Option One: “When are you going to listen to me? You just don’t care.”
Option Two: “Hey, thanks for clearing the filter for the sink.” (The other person smiles. Then you add something like…) Oh, I had another idea. Is this an okay time to talk “logistics”?
As Scott wrote: “words and actions are used as focal points or keys to unlock the power that we all possess.”
2. You influence certain people in ways more than you know.
If someone cares about you, they’d like to succeed in doing something good for you.
I remember inadvertently overhearing two spouses, “Sam and Janet.” Sam looked back at Janet to see if Sam’s washing her car had made Janet happier. No. She just made another request.
Sam did NOT get a moment of success at trying to please her.
It’s about giving your loved one some space to feel good.
In my own life, I need to take care of myself. And that’s tough when I’ve lost sleep. So sometimes, I schedule a nap.
I come back with renewed energy.
My husband and I enjoy a better interaction after that.
“On waking in the morning, try to make your first words pleasant, for this brings good fortune for the entire day.” – Scott Cunningham
3. Ask, in prayer, that the Goddess guide your words
Here is a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Guide my words that they may comfort others, Help me hold my tongue when the words are sharp. Support me to take care of myself, mind and body. May I be grateful for every blessing. So Mote It Be
As witches, we notice the value of being flexible like the willow tree. May we meditate, conduct ritual, and pray to maintain our flexibility.
And remember this:
“That perhaps is at the core of Wicca–it is a joyous union with nature. The earth is a manifestation of divine energy. Wicca’s temples are flower-splashed meadows, forests, beaches, and deserts.” – Scott Cunningham
“I’ve reached the end of my rope,” my friend, Rhonda, said. “I can’t bend anymore. I can’t take any more.”
I nodded.
I saw it in Rhonda’s eyes. She knew that I understood.
That’s because she knew my story. During my first marriage, I told my husband that we needed to have food in the house. But he didn’t care. He took care of himself by buying fast food. And overspending on his own video games.
That, plus more details, inspired me to go for a real boundary of “I’m not going to live like this.” I filed for divorce. One of my best decisions.
I have insights for you.
1. State your boundary. Make it brief. Say, “I need this.”
During my first marriage, I would try to “make my case.” He did not listen. He did not care. Instead, I’ve learned to say, “I need this walkway clear.”
That’s the full thought.
I don’t need to plead and have to justify what I need.
I have worth as a human being. The Gods placed divinity within me. And within you.
“Live your earthly life fully, but try to see the spiritual aspects of your activities as well. Remember—the physical and spiritual are but reflections of each other.” – Scott Cunningham
2. Realize that your boundary mirrors boundaries in nature.
“We cannot and must not give love to others before we have respect and love for ourselves.” – Scott Cunningham
Realize that the Goddess wants your well-being.
I remember that the bark of a Redwood Tree is highly fire-resistant.
The bark protects the tree’s core. Redwoods can survive all but the most extreme fires.
Again, we, witches, learn from nature.
Maintain a good and strong boundary.
You, like the glorious Redwood Tree, are loved and valued by the God and Goddess.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Gods, Surround me with your protection, Like the mother bear who protects her young, Or the lion who protects his pride. Here me now, and surround me with your protection on this Day/Night! So Mote It Be!
“How much choice do we have?” my friend, Alex, asked.
“I always go back to what Doreen Valiente wrote in The Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will.” I said.
Later, I reflected on this conversation.
I have two insights about this.
1. “An it harm none” includes you.
Sometimes, we must make the bold choice. Why? Because we might harm ourselves by “not even trying.” You might try a class. Or ask someone if they’d like to have coffee with you sometime.
Also, we must be careful of addictions.
My sweetheart is addicted to YouTube Shorts with golden retrievers and kittens (Don’t ask.)
So, when he needs more sleep, he promises two friends that he will avoid YouTube Shorts for the day. Then he avoids harming himself due to lack of sleep.
2. Think about what you really control.
I notice that stoicism emphasizes that we only really control our thoughts and responses.
Many external events, plus the opinions of others, are outside of our control.
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
We may not control our first thought.
But our second thought can be towards the Goddess.
You can use a prayer like this:
Goddess, Show me what I can change, and help me understand what is out of my control. Strengthen my virtue and my heart, For my love is strong for You. So Mote It Be.
Mabon is a time of balance between light and dark. It is the autumn equinox when the days continue to grow shorter and the dark begins to take over the light. With the nights becoming longer, the power of the God is waning.
As the second of the three harvest festivals of the year, Mabon is also known as the witches’ thanksgiving. We give thanks to the God and Goddess for all the bounty and sacrifices they have made for us. On this Sabbat, we have friends and family over for a meal of thanksgiving. Foods that are in season at this time of year make great dishes for the feast. Enjoy bread, corn, squash, and other autumn vegetables. Don’t forget wine, beer, and mead.
Some witches pour some blackberry wine on the ground as a sacrifice to the Gods. This ritual gives us hope of keeping the God alive until Samhain, when the God makes the willing sacrifice to keep us alive.
What did you do for Mabon this year? Share your experiences of the day with me here in the comments.
The Triple Goddess symbol of the waxing, full, and waning moon over dark background. (Photo of the moon: NASA)
“I’m exhausted,” my friend, Amy, said. “Your Sjögren’s syndrome is a lot to bear,” I said.
Part of caring for my friends is to listen well. I ask questions, and they discover details for themselves.
I asked, “Would you be okay with exploring two ideas?” I waited. Maybe she was too tired at this moment on the phone.
“It’s okay,” she said.
“What does the fearful part of you say?” I asked.
“That I’m done. My life is going to stay in this box of illness. That I’m going to have this level of pain until I leave this planet.”
We talked some more.
A few minutes later, I asked, “What would Goddess say?”
This stumped her.
She paused.
I waited.
Eventually, she said that Goddess would encourage her. Goddess, would say, “Be compassionate with yourself. Because you are My child. Pain has different colors and textures. You’ll have times when you won’t think about the pain.”
Later, I reflected on this.
Often, I return to the words of the Goddess, in The Charge of the Goddess, as written by Doreen Valiente:
“Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever towards it; let naught stop you or turn you aside. … Let My worship be within the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” – The Goddess speaking in The Charge of the Goddess, written by Doreen Valiente
“I feel so vulnerable,” Sheri, a friend, said. I nodded. I deeply related to this. I reflected on this later.
What if we could align ourselves with Goddess? What if we could know Her power? And, we can!
Goddess and the God placed divinity within us. That is our essential identity. Yes, our essence.
Here is something that stands out: the Goddess’s Principles. Here is a definition of principle:
A principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. – Oxford Languages
We can find some of Goddess’s principles as she speaks in the writing of Doreen Valiente:
“Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever towards it; let naught stop you or turn you aside. … Let My worship be within the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” – The Goddess speaking in The Charge of the Goddess, written by Doreen Valiente
Here is a prayer to support you in your own identity.
My Gracious Goddess, Show me my own beauty and strength, My own power and compassion, Let me strive for honor and humility, mirth and reverence in all I do. Let me see myself in You, and You in myself. So Mote It Be.
It happened again. I thought about something I regretted. It looked like I wouldn’t get sleep. Then I shifted my thoughts. I brought an image to my sleep-deprived mind. I am floating in the ocean. Peaceful. The waves softly flow. The Ocean is Goddess.
Eventually, I fall asleep.
Later, I reflected on this.
Here are two definitions:
“Regret is an emotion. It’s a negative emotion in that it’s an emotion that makes us feel worse, not better. And it’s an emotion that’s triggered when we think of something from our past and wish we had done something differently, done something in a different way, not done something, taken an action, not taken an action.” – Daniel Pink
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown
Whoa! Stop!
Goddess put divinity within us. We ARE worthy of love and belonging. We belong to the Goddess.
I remember this quote:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
So I need to shift from regret to reflecting on what I may want to do differently in the future.
Here’s a prayer you can use.
Goddess, Let Your waters of love caress and flow within and without me. Let my shame and regret be washed from my mind, body, and soul. Soothe me, nourish me, and heal me. So Mote It Be.
“You look frustrated,” my friend, Susan, said. “Got that right,” I replied. “About…?” “I just can’t get in more meditation sessions,” I said.
Later, I reflected on this. So, we hear that improving our lives is just about adding a habit. (As if that were easy.)
Ever put in a new habit and in 47 days—poof!—the habit is gone?
Frustrating, right? What’s the answer?
It’s not just a change of habit. It’s a shift of identity.
Robert Rodriguez, the film director, said that he would throw out his back every time he made a film. He asked Sylvester “Sly” Stallone how he managed to stay strong and athletic. Sly said, “Get a personal trainer.”
But then, Robert had a revelation. Yes, it was good to have the support of a personal trainer. AND, he needed to shift his identity to “athlete.” Then it was about “what does an athlete do?”
We, witches, can choose layers to our identity.
I can choose and say firmly, “I AM a meditator.”
In fact … I’m taking a pause …
Now, I am back.
Guess what I just did?
I did a brief meditation session. Why? “I AM a meditator.”
What identity would you like to add to your practice as a Witch?
Here’s a prayer.
Goddess, show me the way to transformation. Guide my actions on my desired path. So Mote It Be.
“What’s good for you—that’s Wicca—that you don’t do?” my friend, Margarette, said. “Meditate more often,” I said. “What holds you back?” “It’s a freakin’ cliché. I have no time in the morning. I’m too tired at the end of the day. And, I spend my day mostly taking care of my parents (often). And one diabetic cat,” I said, my shoulders drooping. Margarette nodded. She looked sad.
I have an insight for you.
Attach The Good For You Action to Something You’re Already Doing
Something good for me is to do an action that makes me feel better.
For example, my husband massages my back every night. (Yeah, I feel lucky.)
But I just don’t get around to massaging his back.
I don’t feel good about not supporting the Love of My Life.
Except, now I’m turning that around. Now, I’ll take 10 seconds to massage the trapezius muscles next to his neck when I walk past him to my workstation (in our home).
10 seconds is better than nothing.
He smiles and says, “Wow! You remove a lot of tension from my trapezius muscles in a short time!”
So I’m going to walk past him anyway. I’ve just attached being kind to my husband (and I feel better) to my daily action.
My way to add Wicca to these 10 Seconds is to say a prayer like: “God and Goddess, thank you for my sweetheart. May he feel safe in my arms and loved.”
What would be good for you to add to your daily life?
Here’s a helpful prayer.
Goddess, Guide me to make time for What’s good for me, What’s important to me, What makes me smile. So Mote It Be.
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