What We Think Will Make Us Happy
As a young girl I fantasized about someone who would rescue me from the horrible conditions of my home life. My brother terrorized me and almost killed me by holding me underwater in a neighbor’s pool. He was 12 and I was 8.
As I did chores around the house, I fantasized that someone at any moment would come in and take me away from my terrible situation.
When I got a little older I met a guy who I thought could solve my plight. If we just could get married, we’d be independent. I’d finally be out of the house and I would be happy. No more mental, verbal and physical abuse. This was the chance I was waiting for.
So at 18, I married him. Things seemed fine at first. We got a place of our own and I went to school and “Joe” went to work. At the time I was studying to be a computer animator.
At first, Joe said a few things that felt cruel. I just thought he was having an occasional bad day. But it became more frequent.
Joe had control of the money accounts. I said we needed to buy groceries. “Too expensive,” he said. But while he was out, he’d eat at restaurants, leaving me with empty cupboards and nothing to eat. So often I felt hungry.
Then in the evening, he’d take me to fast food restaurants. My body began to live in starvation mode. Soon when I ate, my body clung to every calorie.
With no food in the daytime, and fast food (no vegetables) at night, I started gaining weight. Then Joe berated me for the changes in my body. His verbal abuse beat down my soul.
Was it all his fault that this had happened to me? No. It was my fault. I was so desperate for someone else to solve my problems that I didn’t stop and ask the Gods what I should do.
Once I reached out to the Gods, they opened my eyes. I needed to save myself.
No, I do not excuse my ex-husband’s behavior. But I learned that I needed to stand up for myself. I initiated divorce proceedings.
With the Gods’ guidance, I learned that it’s my responsibility to make me happy. Now whenever I face dilemmas I bring them to the Gods’ for guidance.
I’ve learned that true happiness can vary greatly from fantasies. I’ve also learned that when I take responsibility to face the truth of my situation and I take positive action the Gods smile upon my efforts.
My life has steadily improved by listening to the Gods’ counsel.
So the next time you are stumped with life problems, talk to the Gods. Perhaps, take a walk and watch for signs in the world around you.
Maybe you’ll gaze upon the full moon and ask the Goddess for her advice.
Realize that some Wiccans do not hear the Gods’ voices directly. They just feel a quickening of their intuition.
Knowing the Gods are there for me brings me great comfort.
May you know the blessings of the Gods.