“Not here in the work area,” my husband said. “Would you consider us talking in the other room?”
“Yes,” I said.
We talked about how his two jobs were causing him to lose sleep and sound irritable.
“It’s not fair that I have to put up with a ‘grumpy bear,’” I said.
Instead of being defensive, he talked about his own responsibilities. “I’m going to pick nights when I do not watch any YouTube videos. That’s how I miss some sleep.”

I’m grateful that my husband and I are being careful to protect our relationship.

I have three insights for you.

1. Notice if you ever communicate that you’re “satisfied.”

Recently, I learned that many couples go to therapy when one partner is “distant.” Another reason is that one partner is “never satisfied.”

I’ve learned to say, “You did good,” to my husband. Even if I do not feel good. And that’s often because I have clinical depression symptoms.

I realized that if one partner feels the other person is “never satisfied,” the first person just gives up. And that creates distance. It’s certainly the opposite of closeness.

The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes:
* You need to let your partner know they did good, even when you’re already feeling bad.
* You may need to just own your painful feelings. And, you may have to realize that your partner cannot simply “make you happy.”

I’ve seen films in which a father asks a young daughter: “Does he (her suitor) make you happy?”
“Yes, Daddy,” she replies.
“All right, then,” the father says.

That’s a big order to make another human “happy.” The Paradox of Protecting Relationships includes that we must take responsibility for how we live in this world. Do we meditate, pray, exercise, perform rituals, and get enough rest? No one can do that for you. (Yes, I know that you knew that.)

Do you let your friend or loved one know that they “did good”?

2. Honor your partner.

“Honor all living things, for we are of the stag, and the salmon, and the bee; so destroy not life, save it be to preserve your own.” – Scott Cunningham

How do you honor your partner? Say things in a respectful way.

Not respectful: You always forget to do the right thing. You don’t take out the garbage or turn on the dishwasher.
Respectful: Please consider taking out the garbage tonight. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

You’re talking to an adult. You are respectful of your partner’s autonomy.

How do you talk to your partner?

3. Invite the Goddess in how you act to shape your life.

“We can’t point at an image of an evil god, such as Satan, and blame it for our faults and weaknesses. We can’t blame fate. Every second of each day we’re creating our futures, shaping the courses of our lives.” – Scott Cunningham

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Help me show my partner,
With my words and actions, they are enough.
Give me the wisdom to speak compassionately to them and myself.
Help me support them and myself,
To know “I am satisfied,”
Even if I do not have the feelings of happiness.
So mote it be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater