“She just wouldn’t listen to me,” my friend, Angie, said, of her coven member, Nancy.

I reflected on this. In a coven, both a leader and a member need listening skills. But more than that, they need something that reveals authentic care and concern.

Here are three insights.

1. Focus on Genuine Curiosity not only “Listening Skills.”

Have you heard this? “You need to nod, be quiet, and ask follow-up questions.”

Okay. That is helpful. But people can see past empty gestures.

Here is the Missing Piece to elevating coven members: Go to the place in yourself of Genuine Curiosity.

My friend, Stephen, deals with his father, who has no curiosity about Stephen’s life. His father asks no questions. His father does not know anything important to Stephen. Stephen grieves over the empty space between his father and himself.

On the other hand, you can go beyond “shallow listening skills.” You can choose to truly care about the other person. How? You nurture a curiosity about that person’s experience on their life path.

Do you focus on the wants and needs of the other person? Do you have genuine curiosity about that person’s experience in life?

2. Ask yourself questions.

Research reveals that we can guide our thoughts by asking a few powerful questions.

If you lead a coven, you need the skills of a good leader. A good leader stays strong and focused. How? Good leaders ask themselves questions to change their personal state of being.

Here’s a useful question: How can I quiet myself and turn the spotlight onto their feelings?

Often, many of us cannot get past the distraction of our own unmet needs.
First, you can ask: “How can I quiet myself?”

Here is something that is connected to this process: “How can I take care of myself so I’m not distracted by pain, anger, or emptiness?”

Are you taking good care of yourself?
Do you have space for the concerns and feelings of another person?

3. Ask the Gods “How can I take better care of myself.”

Many times, to take care of others we need to first take care of ourselves.

If your needs are met, you can be free of distraction. Then you can truly listen to another person.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Great Lord and Gracious Lady,
Help me experience my calm self.
Guide me to nurture that self for my benefit and the benefit of all involved.
Soothe me in this calm place within.
Give me the key to go there whenever I have need.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your journey.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater