My first husband would disappear for hours into his own video games world.
Eventually, I realized that there was no way to really connect.
I tried to go into his world. I would assist him with his strategies for gaming.
At one point, he got stuck. I was the one who noticed that his character needed to jump and grab ahold of a cliff face.

I tried to earn his love by doing what he wanted.

We were young.
Still, at some point, I knew that this marriage must end.
My decision for the divorce was one of my better decisions.

Are you trying to earn love?

I have three insights for you.

1. Be aware of fear around being “needy.”

I have noticed a difference between “being needy” and “being human.”
Being human includes wanting to be heard—especially by your life mate.
Being “needy” may include putting all of your emotional needs upon one person.
Where is the fear here?

For many of us, we fear that we’ll never get the kindness, support, and comfort we crave.
What can we do?
Develop a support system.

For example, my second husband is in weekly contact with about eight people. He avoids leaning too much on any one individual.

If one of his friends is too busy, he just reaches out to others.
Do you need a circle of friends?

2. Notice if you’re trying to earn somebody’s love.

Are you “always available” for a loved one?
Do they ever give you the space to have quiet time for yourself?

Do you always have to drop everything to fulfill their needs?
And, does this feel healthy to you?
On the other hand, mutual respect and giving to the other makes a healthy relationship.
It is healthy for you to receive from your loved one.
So it’s not about “earning love,” it is about sharing kindness.

3. Ask Goddess to transform your experience of love and belonging.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Goddess,
Uplift my experience of love.
Guide me away from fear and neediness.
Show me how to create a circle of support.
Envelope me with Your strength.
Reveal ways for me to love myself,
And increase my capacity to love others.
So Mote It Be.

May these insights support your path.

Blessed Be,
Moonwater