suicidal

Pent

On August 11, 2014, Robin Williams committed suicide. This really hit home for me. Being a person who has lived on both sides of the suicide-situation, I feel that it’s time I talk about it.

I have attempted multiple times to commit suicide in my life. I’ve often felt the unspeakable pain that drives one to such thoughts and actions.

The truth is: A lot of people have no way of comprehending the emotions of the person considering suicide. As a friend said to me, “It’s similar to grief. You do NOT know it, until you’re IN grief. Until someone close to you has died.”

On the other side of the situation, I have also endured when a very dear friend committed suicide. My heartbreak seared deeper than any hot poker could. Searing my flesh would have been a kindness. This pain of grief hits you deep in the soul.

Recently, I was appalled at how some pundit on a cable channel called Robin Williams “a coward” for taking his own life. Did this pundit personally know Robin? Does this pundit struggle with depression personally?

And I have other questions.

Is it possible that depression can become an unbearable pain? (I have felt such pain and fortunately the Gods broke the cord that could have ended my life.)

Is it possible that it is the right of each individual to choose how to live and how and when to die?

And then let’s add the spiritual questions.

Does the person on the verge of suicide feel (or care) that one will have to come back (be reincarnated) and learn the same thing he or she was struggling with and go through it all over again?

If suicidal thoughts arise for you, do you want to go through it again (in a reincarnated form)? Or hunker down and go through it once? (I know that to press on through suicidal thoughts can require professional and medical help.)

Still, I feel compassion for someone who has succumbed to suicide’s call.

I am not angry at my deceased friend. I only feel sorrow for him and that I could not help. I try not to blame myself for possibly missing a sign or two that he was in distress.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the hotline below.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Or go to the web sites

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

International

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Blessings,

Moonwater SilverClaw

For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:

The Hidden Children of the Goddess Embrace Wicca, Become Strong, Be at Peace with Yourself and the World Around You

And

Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magic: How You Can Remove Blocks to Prosperity, Happiness and Inner Peace

Blooming against the odds.

Finding the gods was a lifesaver, literally. Before I had the gods in my life, I was a kid with huge self-esteem problems. I had made multiple suicide attempts.

When I was eight, I was so depressed about my life that I tied a string around my neck, intending to hang myself. But the gods were on my side even then. The string broke. The gods knew I had a purpose; I had work to do for them. But at the time when it happened, I thought, I’m so lame, I can’t even kill myself right! I couldn’t see it for the blessing that it was. I just fell into a deeper depression. There were other attempts, and other failures.

My childhood was filled with physical and mental torture perpetrated by my older brother –and my parents’ neglect.

Somehow I survived to my 16th year. One day, I walked into a Barnes and Noble bookstore in my hometown. That year, I heard a new word Wicca. I asked the sales clerk, “Do you have any books on Wicca?” Her eyes lit up and with great excitement she led me to a shelf and started pouring books into my arms.

That evening, alone in my room, I started to read Scott Cunningham’s book, The Solitary Practitioner. My heart filled up. I finally found my home.

Now I reveled in a new world. Soon I was meditating, and after some sessions, the Gods made contact with me.

The gods embraced me with pure love. My body filled up with their love for me. From my head it moved through my entire body, down to my fingers and toes. Happiness was so foreign to me; I had never felt this way before. But I shifted to a deep part of myself I hadn’t known and here I knew that I was one with the Gods. Forever.

The gods found me beautiful. They took pride in me.

I never knew anyone could have this much love for anyone, especially me! This epiphany was a brilliant light into my chasm of darkness and despair. Now I could start to see myself for what I really was worth.

With this knowledge, I found a new confidence in life. Once the gods opened me up and shone their loving light in me, I was transformed into love. Love for myself and for others.

The “harm none” of Wicca rang true for me. I didn’t want anyone to go through what I had endured. I wanted to treat everyone with respect, compassion and love. So I started on my path and became a Wiccan priestess.

It’s a beautiful path.

Blessed Be,

Moonwater SilverClaw