Finding the gods was a lifesaver, literally. Before I had the gods in my life, I was a kid with huge self-esteem problems. I had made multiple suicide attempts.
When I was eight, I was so depressed about my life that I tied a string around my neck, intending to hang myself. But the gods were on my side even then. The string broke. The gods knew I had a purpose; I had work to do for them. But at the time when it happened, I thought, I’m so lame, I can’t even kill myself right! I couldn’t see it for the blessing that it was. I just fell into a deeper depression. There were other attempts, and other failures.
My childhood was filled with physical and mental torture perpetrated by my older brother –and my parents’ neglect.
Somehow I survived to my 16th year. One day, I walked into a Barnes and Noble bookstore in my hometown. That year, I heard a new word Wicca. I asked the sales clerk, “Do you have any books on Wicca?” Her eyes lit up and with great excitement she led me to a shelf and started pouring books into my arms.
That evening, alone in my room, I started to read Scott Cunningham’s book, The Solitary Practitioner. My heart filled up. I finally found my home.
Now I reveled in a new world. Soon I was meditating, and after some sessions, the Gods made contact with me.
The gods embraced me with pure love. My body filled up with their love for me. From my head it moved through my entire body, down to my fingers and toes. Happiness was so foreign to me; I had never felt this way before. But I shifted to a deep part of myself I hadn’t known and here I knew that I was one with the Gods. Forever.
The gods found me beautiful. They took pride in me.
I never knew anyone could have this much love for anyone, especially me! This epiphany was a brilliant light into my chasm of darkness and despair. Now I could start to see myself for what I really was worth.
With this knowledge, I found a new confidence in life. Once the gods opened me up and shone their loving light in me, I was transformed into love. Love for myself and for others.
The “harm none” of Wicca rang true for me. I didn’t want anyone to go through what I had endured. I wanted to treat everyone with respect, compassion and love. So I started on my path and became a Wiccan priestess.
It’s a beautiful path.