Experience Freedom Through The Power of Forgiving Yourself

“You need to forgive yourself,” my new therapist says. Nice words, I think. How am I supposed to do that?

I have been through many hours of therapy. I’ve experienced hours of meditation.

Here I’m going to talk about the truth and the reality of Forgiving Yourself.

Why do you need to forgive yourself?

Because feeling guilty and blaming yourself is a damn prison. I know this prison well. At times, I have been mad at myself for somehow allowing others to harm me. How can you hold a 10 year old little girl responsible for being held underwater by her sadistic 13 year old brother?!

Still, in later years, I had an abusive husband who had a hold on me until Wicca saved my life.

I’ve been furious with myself for “being a victim.” I’ve said, “I know it is not my fault.” But deep down I still felt it was my fault. I let it happen. I gave certain people power over me. I did this.

Whenever I go to this dark place, my heart bleeds tears of sorrow.

All of this self-blame and failing to forgive ourselves is a crime we are committing against ourselves.

Before I go further, I need to make something clear. Forgiveness is not pardon. A behavior could have been mean and negative two years ago, and it is still wrong today.

I learned from Dr. Fred Luskin (co-founder of the Stanford Forgiveness Project) that “Forgiveness is the end of the cycle of blame and suffering.”

It is time we stop and forgive ourselves for the things we did to ourselves. We may also need to forgive ourselves for what we may have allowed to happen to us.

I’ll now share an exercise that I’ve found to be powerful.

Warning: This is exercise IS powerful. Make sure you have someone to talk to afterwards – a loving friend whom you trust, a counselor or a trusted psychologist. You might just save this exercise for a time when you can do the exercise in the presence of a trusted helper.

Version One:

Have a friend you trust and who loves you sit in front of you. Be close enough to see into his or her eyes.
Get comfortable. Light a candle and some incense. (Place the incense to the side so you avoid the smoke obscuring your view of your friend.)
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Then for 5 minutes, look into each other’s eyes and think about how much you care about the other person.
Do this several times over a month. It may take longer or less time. Your plan is to get to the point where you feel relaxed and accepted.

Version Two:

Sit in front of a mirror and get comfortable. Light a candle and some incense. (Place the incense to the side so you avoid the smoke obscuring your view of your own eyes.)

After setting a timer for 5 minutes, concentrate as you look into your own eyes in the mirror. Now you begin the process of forgiving yourself for all of your past mistakes that caused you to suffer . . .

Say:

I forgive you for ______ and anytime I failed at __________.

I forgive you for ______ and the times I was wrong.

I forgive you for ______ and the times I let things happen to you.

I forgive you for ______ and the times I hurt others.

Do this as many times as you need so you start to relax into your personal forgiveness of yourself.

During the week, if you start to feel fearful or frantic, you likely need another session of self-forgiveness.

(Some traditions refer to this process as “mirror work.” Some people practice saying, “I love you” to themselves as they gaze in a mirror. Many report that it takes about a month of practice until they feel better and a degree of real healing.)

After any session of self-forgiveness, eat something. You’ve used up personal energy. It takes energy to focus during your self-forgiveness session.

And then make sure to talk to someone you trust.

This is a very powerful exercise. Remember there is divinity in you.

As you do this self-forgiveness exercise, you will likely feel the presence of God and Goddess. How will you know this? You’ll experience a degree of peace that is new and different than your regular daily experience of life.

Remember, you are loved by the God and Goddess.

Blessings,

Moonwater SilverClaw

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