“When can I get a break?” my friend, Amy, said.
I listened, concern in my eyes.
“I’m worried. I’m so irritable, and I’m saying mean stuff to my husband,” Amy said.
- Focus on kindness.
We’re talking about people who love you. Place your focus on imaging that they come from a position of care and love. This can be tough because so many of us get upside down when we’re overcome with stress.
So the idea is for you to keep yourself in a state of being that is of care and love. Then, you can compensate when your loved one is stressed out.
Tell yourself: “I’m focusing on kindness.”
Sometimes, in times of stress, you might need to mention: “I hear you. It’s an intense time. Let’s focus on kindness with each other.”
The focus on kindness can keep your relationship warm—even if you disagree.
- Don’t try to change someone.
People are who they are, and you can’t change them. Unless they wear diapers. That’s a different story.
When people change, it is often due to their own deep-seated pain.
Still, you can mention what you prefer. Just recently, I heard a family member say, “I’d prefer if you start with ‘Hey, do you have a couple of moments?’ That gives me a chance to shift out of writing this resume. Please consider that.”
So my family member gently said what they needed.
My family member is not trying to change people. They were only expressing an idea and a request.
Let’s remember that trying to get someone to change is futile. Plus, it makes everyone unhappy. Let’s also recall that another person will change when they are damn good and ready. And not a moment before.
You can ask for what you want in terms of a specific action.
Sometimes, your loved one will include that specific action. Sometimes, they won’t.
It’s more important that you maintain your own inner peace. Consider what the Goddess says …
- Return to the Source—Goddess’s Love.
“For mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and mine also is joy on earth; for my Law is Love unto all Beings.” – The Goddess speaking, in the writings of Doreen Valiente
The Goddess focuses on love. Remember this when dealing with people who may be difficult. Yes, people can be inconvenient or downright rude. But they are still the Goddess’s children. Whether they know it or not.
So do what you need to do to stay, most of the time, in the Goddess’s love state of being. I invite you to have a regular practice of meditation, enough sleep, and rituals.
From a base of nourishing yourself, you can nurture people who are close to you.
May these insights support you on your path.
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