“What was the gift in your brother calling you fat—when you were a little girl?” someone in my circle asked.
“I don’t know … Empathy, maybe,” I said. I know what being ridiculed feels like. I can connect and empathize with others who have had a similar experience.
“For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.” – the Goddess speaking in The Charge of the Goddess as written by Doreen Valiente
The gift for me may have been that I learned not to rely on human approval.
What do we seek within? It’s the divinity that the God and Goddess placed within you.
I had another thought. Without experiencing my brother’s ridicule, I would not have a certain form of compassion.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” – often attributed as a Zen master’s comment
Some authors suggest: “Strength comes from struggle.”
Here’s a prayer you can use:
My Lord and Lady, May my tough experiences Transform into compassion and strength. So Mote It Be.
“I’ve reached the end of my rope,” my friend, Rhonda, said. “I can’t bend anymore. I can’t take any more.”
I nodded.
I saw it in Rhonda’s eyes. She knew that I understood.
That’s because she knew my story. During my first marriage, I told my husband that we needed to have food in the house. But he didn’t care. He took care of himself by buying fast food. And overspending on his own video games.
That, plus more details, inspired me to go for a real boundary of “I’m not going to live like this.” I filed for divorce. One of my best decisions.
I have insights for you.
1. State your boundary. Make it brief. Say, “I need this.”
During my first marriage, I would try to “make my case.” He did not listen. He did not care. Instead, I’ve learned to say, “I need this walkway clear.”
That’s the full thought.
I don’t need to plead and have to justify what I need.
I have worth as a human being. The Gods placed divinity within me. And within you.
“Live your earthly life fully, but try to see the spiritual aspects of your activities as well. Remember—the physical and spiritual are but reflections of each other.” – Scott Cunningham
2. Realize that your boundary mirrors boundaries in nature.
“We cannot and must not give love to others before we have respect and love for ourselves.” – Scott Cunningham
Realize that the Goddess wants your well-being.
I remember that the bark of a Redwood Tree is highly fire-resistant.
The bark protects the tree’s core. Redwoods can survive all but the most extreme fires.
Again, we, witches, learn from nature.
Maintain a good and strong boundary.
You, like the glorious Redwood Tree, are loved and valued by the God and Goddess.
Here is a prayer you can use.
Gods, Surround me with your protection, Like the mother bear who protects her young, Or the lion who protects his pride. Here me now, and surround me with your protection on this Day/Night! So Mote It Be!
“How much choice do we have?” my friend, Alex, asked.
“I always go back to what Doreen Valiente wrote in The Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will.” I said.
Later, I reflected on this conversation.
I have two insights about this.
1. “An it harm none” includes you.
Sometimes, we must make the bold choice. Why? Because we might harm ourselves by “not even trying.” You might try a class. Or ask someone if they’d like to have coffee with you sometime.
Also, we must be careful of addictions.
My sweetheart is addicted to YouTube Shorts with golden retrievers and kittens (Don’t ask.)
So, when he needs more sleep, he promises two friends that he will avoid YouTube Shorts for the day. Then he avoids harming himself due to lack of sleep.
2. Think about what you really control.
I notice that stoicism emphasizes that we only really control our thoughts and responses.
Many external events, plus the opinions of others, are outside of our control.
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius
We may not control our first thought.
But our second thought can be towards the Goddess.
You can use a prayer like this:
Goddess, Show me what I can change, and help me understand what is out of my control. Strengthen my virtue and my heart, For my love is strong for You. So Mote It Be.
Are you feeling down—with every day of this current coronavirus pandemic? Do you feel bad because you’ve lost so much?
With so much stress and even people hoarding supplies, where is the hope?
That hope is you.
Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever toward it; let naught stop you or turn you aside.–Doreen Valiente, writing in the voice of the Goddess in The Charge of The Goddess
In this time of stress and fear, we need to take this quote to heart. The good in us will prevail when we stick to our faith.
Here are four things we can do toward keeping to our highest ideal:
Focus on the Truth
Remind yourself of the truth that you are really connected with the Gods. The Gods placed Their Divinity within you. Additionally, be careful about keeping your word. If you say you will call at a certain time, be sure to do it. You’ll feel better. With people trusting you, you’ll support your relationships.
Dedicate Your Efforts and Time to the Gods
Devote a certain time each day to your relationship with the Gods. Even if you only devote a 5-minute meditation session each day, it is still valuable. If you decide to do a brief ritual every two days, that helps, too.
Your dedication to the God and Goddess is key. Perhaps, do rituals in which you provide an offering and in which you celebrate what blessings the Gods are bestowing on you and others. I realize that broadcast news and social media concentrate on all the losses. I remind myself to take time and devote effort to focus on what I’m grateful for.
Serve Others
Even while you’re sheltering in place (at home), you can serve others. You could simply listen to a friend in a phone conversation. That’s serving. It’s essential. It is a genuine human-to-human connection. I remember that Christopher Reeve, while paralyzed and in a wheelchair, taught his youngest son, Will, how to ride a bicycle only using his words.
Words and the positive tone of your voice can serve the person you talk to—on the phone.
Just today, my family ordered pizza (to be delivered) to help a local restaurant stay in business.
We all help in many, small ways.
Maintain your identity as a person who spreads love and compassion
Many witches I know demonstrate compassion. This means a lot to me. As you go through your day, do what you can to spread kindness.
May these ideas support you during this tough time.
If so, I’m with you. Why? Because every day I deal with asthma, dyslexia and clinical depression.
Here’s More Trouble: Beware of Those Who Shame People with Mental Illness in the Pagan Community
What do I mean by “shame people”? I’ve encountered people who told me that I do not need medication. Instead, they claim that “a certain herbal tea” will “Fix you right up.” No. That is a delusion. But what really bothered me is their self-righteous attitude that I was not “believing enough.” Now that’s what I call shaming!
I do meditate. And I take medication. I have medical doctors who help me.
I have depression and asthma—serious diseases. And it is B.S. to tell me to drink a tea or think or wish my asthma attack or depressive episode away. This is life or death!
I do magick rituals, and they help. Still, if someone says that I don’t need medication, they are deluded. Instead, we must be our own advocates as we deal with invisible illnesses.
Why do the God and Goddess let these things happen?
I believe that before this incarnation the God and Goddess helped us plan the lessons we wanted for this incarnation.
Learning lessons on this plane is about taking the direct route. Sometimes, the direct route involves trauma or mental illness. And we know this before we are incarnated.
The God and Goddess don’t want us to suffer. They want us to be happy.
They send help to us when we need it most. My husband—that is, boyfriend at the time—came into my life and encouraged me to get help in the form of therapy and medical assistance. I am so grateful to him for taking my hand and leading me to the help I desperately needed.
Why would we choose an incarnation with trauma?
I’ll share an idea: Do you really learn what touching a hot stovetop is by someone describing it to you? Or do you learn faster and understand more completely by experiencing the pain?
The same is true with the lessons of our life. We need to experience the situation to truly learn our lesson.
Then, there is the experience of real compassion. Recently, I went through a “bottom-time” (crying and feeling hopeless). My husband sat with me. He didn’t try to “cheer me up.” He rubbed my feet. I felt better the next day—Thank, Goddess!
Still, my husband knows that there is no “happy button” on me. Sometimes, we just need to sit with the pain. I deeply appreciate my husband’s real compassion and love.
I realize that we do not ask for pain today. Still, God and Goddess often help us have the experience of support when we’re suffering. Perhaps, you’ll want to do a candle ritual to remind yourself of God and Goddess’s presence in your life.
The ant’s world was ablaze. Flames towered over the ant as it scampered back and forth. I saw the ant in peril on a piece of firewood in my camp fire. With compassion, I placed a stick next to the piece of firewood that was ablaze at one end. The ant rushed onto the stick.
The ant crawled half way up. But then it frantically jumped off the refuge-stick I offered and dashed back toward the flames.
Again, I placed the stick right in front of the ant. This time it got back on the refuge-stick, and I swiftly lifted the stick and placed it on the ground some distance from the camp fire. The ant was safe.
Sometimes we make bad decisions despite God’s and Goddess’s warnings. The Gods, in their compassion, save us from our own stupidity.
Earlier today, I drove on the freeway. When a large truck cut me off, I slammed on the breaks. My car slid down the freeway until the wheels regained traction. With fast reflexes and the Gods’ grace I was safe!
Sometimes we are given intuitive guidance to go into a new direction, but our fear sends us back toward the flames. Some people stay in a bad marriage or in a bad job because these are the flames they know. Uncertainty seems to be too much to bear.
We, Wiccans, can call upon the Gods to guide us. They are present. They walk beside us on our journey through our lives. (I wrote a book on this: Goddess Walks Beside You.)
The Gods try to be as supportive as possible. All we need to do is ask for help and then step forth on the new, better path. (It’s better than getting burned.)
On August 11, 2014, Robin Williams committed suicide. This really hit home for me. Being a person who has lived on both sides of the suicide-situation, I feel that it’s time I talk about it.
I have attempted multiple times to commit suicide in my life. I’ve often felt the unspeakable pain that drives one to such thoughts and actions.
The truth is: A lot of people have no way of comprehending the emotions of the person considering suicide. As a friend said to me, “It’s similar to grief. You do NOT know it, until you’re IN grief. Until someone close to you has died.”
On the other side of the situation, I have also endured when a very dear friend committed suicide. My heartbreak seared deeper than any hot poker could. Searing my flesh would have been a kindness. This pain of grief hits you deep in the soul.
Recently, I was appalled at how some pundit on a cable channel called Robin Williams “a coward” for taking his own life. Did this pundit personally know Robin? Does this pundit struggle with depression personally?
And I have other questions.
Is it possible that depression can become an unbearable pain? (I have felt such pain and fortunately the Gods broke the cord that could have ended my life.)
Is it possible that it is the right of each individual to choose how to live and how and when to die?
And then let’s add the spiritual questions.
Does the person on the verge of suicide feel (or care) that one will have to come back (be reincarnated) and learn the same thing he or she was struggling with and go through it all over again?
If suicidal thoughts arise for you, do you want to go through it again (in a reincarnated form)? Or hunker down and go through it once? (I know that to press on through suicidal thoughts can require professional and medical help.)
Still, I feel compassion for someone who has succumbed to suicide’s call.
I am not angry at my deceased friend. I only feel sorrow for him and that I could not help. I try not to blame myself for possibly missing a sign or two that he was in distress.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the hotline below.
GoddessHasYourBack.com 