“I don’t have any success,” my friend, Samantha, said flatly.
“What about how you’re taking good care of your ailing parents? That’s work,” I said.
“That’s not work. Work is only when you get paid,” Samantha said.
“You know, there are people who get paid as assistants to old people,” I said.
Samantha just frowned.
I reflected on this.
Samantha is often miserable.
Why? One reason may be about her definitions, which are like knives that she uses to cut herself.
What about your definitions?
How do you define success? Or even happiness.
So many of us live in the space of “only when I can…”
How does this sound?
“I’ll be happy only when I can have no worries about the future.”
Good luck with that.
Researchers note that approximately 85% of what people say they worry about does NOT happen.
But what does occur? A bunch of people being miserable moment-to-moment … How? They’re living in their worries.
And their definitions are, by default, set up so they can never win.
What are examples of a self-defeating definition?
“Success is only making a lot of money.”
“Work is only if you are paid.” (That means getting groceries for your family means nothing?!!)
We, witches, look to nature for guidance. We know that we live through seasons. Spring follows Winter. The forest burned by fire can have new growth.
What is another definition of success? “I choose what is meaningful to me. I take action, and something valuable gets done.”
A happy life appreciates seasons, and we go through chapters of our lives. Some chapters are tough. And then, like the seasons, we can experience renewal.
“When have you felt happy?” “I don’t like that question,” I thought. Why do I have a problem with that question? Let’s pause. Do you clearly know what makes you happy? Are you getting it? Have you settled? Or given up? Maybe, you’re similar to me. You just feel tired. My cat just leaped into my lap. I’m hugging him. Okay, I’m feeling happy. But that’s not the whole story. For one thing, he just shoved his tail into my face. I sneeze.
I have three insights for you.
1. Shift from What can I get? to Why am I here?
“What can I get?” is often connected to survival mode. Have you noticed that kids sense the competition that’s going on?
You have to push to get what you want. It can feel exhausting.
In 2012, I received from the God and Goddess the directive “start a blog.” What? With my dyslexia? I started the blog anyway. I get a lot of help. But at the beginning, I did not know how things would go. Recently, I’m thinking about “Why am I here?” My thoughts include: “I’m here to support others in their learning and their individual path.” Some of my favorite moments with my blog posts and podcast episodes include:
I appreciate hearing from readers.
I like discovering new topics and ways to synergize ideas and learnings.
I like editing my podcast episodes. I like the moments when an interesting assembly happens. For example, I’ll assemble the first part of one sentence and then use part of my second take to make things sound right.
When I’m doing my blog posts and podcast episodes, I feel connected to “Why am I here?” How about you? When do you feel on purpose? This is part of your Soulful Need.
2. Sometimes, your Soulful Need is connected to release from something that shackles you.
At times, fear shackles me. I find that I feel free of fear when I am doing my blog and podcast work, and I have a team member supporting me. So, my experience of freedom from fear is connected to “taking action while receiving support.” That’s a true revelation for me.
What do you need a release from?
Old ideas? Thoughts of limitation? An old identity? (For example, family members can try to hold someone as cemented to an old role of “the shy one.” … The truth is: You can be shy and still be an actor. I know someone like that.)
3. Have you given up a “positive expectation”?
I went to college because I wanted to be an animator using a computer. You know, someone who works at Pixar. I am working with someone now so I can do some animated characters. (Groundwork is happening for that.)
I have not given up on the possibilities of animating material. Have you become so tired that you have given up on having any “positive expectations”? Your Soulful Need can arise as you answer questions like:
What would feel delightful?
What might cause me to stretch and grow?
What could be a positive possibility for me?
Your Soulful Need is connected to the divinity the God and Goddess placed within you.
Here is a prayer you can use:
God and Goddess, Lead me to delightful discoveries. Help me fulfill my Soulful Need with ease. Show me the way to untold possibilities. So Mote It Be.
Ever find that your Inner Critic beats you up emotionally?
Some of us ask, “What’s an Inner Critic?” That’s the part of you that won’t give you a break. Instead of saying, “You made a mistake,” the Inner Critic says, “What the hell is the matter with you?”
The Inner Critic is a voice inside you that kicks you when you’re down.
Here is a Self-Affirmation Chant to help you exert your inner power.
Self-Affirmation Chant
Inner critic, listen up, You don’t think I make the cut. Listen now and listen good, Just stop pushing “should.” I silence you from ruining my day, Now my Higher Spirit has the last say. Confidence and good thoughts surround me, As I so will, So Mote it Be.
May you guide your Inner Critic to quiet down.
Demote the Inner Critic to just a member of your committee of voices in your thoughts.
Invite the Gods to enhance the power of your Higher Spirit.
How is life going for you? Are you feeling pressured with work, family, friends, and personal pursuits?
If so, I’m with you. It can be hard to prioritize what to do when obligations weigh heavily on your shoulders.
Then, I had an intuitive nudge. It’s embodied in this question: How would Goddess help me prioritize for my enjoying a fulfilling life?”
Goddess wants you to grow
Goddess wants all Her children to grow. This means learning our lessons and conquering our fears.
What kind of lessons? This varies by the individual. You set up your goals for your lessons before you were born. These lessons can be things like forgiveness, handling fear, or finding love for yourself.
Goddess encourages you to prioritize your health and safety
I realize that I have sometimes, faltered about my own health. Sometimes, I’ve hesitated to go to the Emergency Room when my asthma was overwhelming.
How about you? Are you prioritizing your health? Good sleep, good nutrition, time devoted to nurturing your relationships …
Let’s remember that Goddess wants us to care for ourselves. After all, our bodies are the temples of the Gods. Goddess wants us to be healthy and happy while we are on this earth.
Goddess wants a better connection with you
Sometimes, I get the impression that Goddess might say, “It’d be nice if you called once in a while.” How? We can do ritual and have meditation sessions to connect with the Goddess and God. Even a 5-minute meditation session is better than nothing.
Along these lines, my new book Goddess Has the Answers to Life’s Tough Problems just debuted on Amazon. CLICK HERE to “look inside” my 9th book. For many of us, “9” is a sacred number, and I feel great about this book! I know that many readers will find support to grow and pick up insights that we, Wiccans, have discovered over the decades.
“Why is it getting worse?” my friend, Stephanie, said.
“I know there’s a lot happening. Anything in particular?” I replied.
“More violence in this country!” Stephanie said. And, this began a significant conversation.
What if Goddess Serves as Your Source of Certainty?
Is it possible to be certain of anything, anymore? Some people complain, “Unbelievable. I could not even imagine that people in leadership positions would be so … disgusting.”
I’ve learned that there is value in seeing ourselves as “spiritual beings having a human experience.”
As many of you know, I believe in the Summerlands, a place of love and peace in between the times we incarnate. We return and incarnate into a new body, and the lessons begin. We use our bodies as a user-interface for our spiritual being to learn lessons on this physical plane.
I realize that it can be tough to see this spiritual level when we’re in the midst of suffering and confusion. It’s as if we’re wearing “human-tinted glasses.” I suggest that we pause and consider looking at our lives from Goddess’s perspective. Goddess knows.
A Source of Comfort
Sometimes, I return to The Charge of the Goddess for inspiration and comfort.
“Let my worship be within the heart that rejoiceth, for behold: all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. And therefore, let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” – Doreen Valiente (speaking in the voice of the Goddess—from The Charge of the Goddess)
A couple of meanings rise up for me with the above quote.
Notice the phrase “all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals,” and see that the Goddess gives us the answer. We can derive comfort in honoring Her with our compassion, reverence, humility and more. Acts of kindness and beauty honor the Goddess and make us feel good.
A Prayer
Dear Goddess Release me from my stale, limited beliefs And give me compassion and mirth in heaps. Acts of love and Acts of pleasure. I honor You in this way forever.
May the ideas expressed here comfort you and invite you to listen to your heart. May compassion for others flourish in your heart.
Here is some good news—some comforting news: Goddess is with you through your entire journey.
“I have been with thee from the beginning; and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.” – Doreen Valiente (speaking in the voice of the Goddess—from The Charge of the Goddess)
The last part of the above quote has a couple of meanings to me. “I am that which is attained at the end of desire” implies that the Goddess’s love is what you receive at the end of your life. I believe we go to the Summerlands at the end of this life. You get to rest and enjoy time with your family and friends. The Gods will be there to give you love and support.
Another meaning is that the “end of desire” is actually a revelation that it is Goddess’s love that we really want. By this I mean, that what we want, including inner peace, joy, fun and comfort, are all manifestations of Goddess’s love. One of my friends recently bought a high-end, new car. What did he want? Some form of fulfillment. A car or a hug is just an expression of the blessings from Goddess. We notice that the car or a hug opens the door to good feelings.
Here is a prayer for times when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
A Prayer
Lord and Lady Give me strength To be compassionate to myself. From that well may I draw The love of the Gods to Persevere on my path And be kind to others.
So Mote It Be.
May this prayer empower you to joy and fulfillment,
“Sometimes, it feels like there’s so much going on and friendships can get hurt along the way. I mean—we all get stressed out,” my friend, Joyce, said. “I’m wondering if there is a magickal way to strengthen a friendship.”
I gave this a lot of thought, and here is a True Friends Spell.
What you will need:
One pink candle
Candle-holder
Rose Incense
Rose oil
Two rings
Ritual tools
Cast Circle in the usual manner.
Dress your candle by rubbing your oil from tip to base. Cleanse and consecrate your candle and rings. Place the pink candle on your altar in its holder. Place the rings by the candle. Take your friend’s hands and both of you say over the rings together:
I swear upon my soul,
Honesty, love, and kindness I shall show.
I State my true name (_each state your name_),
That I am a true friend to you through and through.
That I will be most honest with you,
As I so will, so mote it be!!
Each person places a ring on the other person’s hand other and says:
True friends, true as can be.
Together now so mote it be!
Do the Cakes and Wine Ceremony
Close your Circle
May this True Friends Spell strengthen your bond with your close friend.
Recently a reader asked me: What does the Wiccan Rede “An ye harm none, do what ye will” mean to you? Is it a law, or is it advice?
If you look at the word “rede” it means to give advice to; counsel.
When I look at the Wiccan Rede, An ye harm none, do what ye will, I view it as sage counsel that is given to us.
Advice fits certain situations. Still, other situations call for using a different approach.
How about self-defense? If you do no harm, like block the attack and cause the opponent’s arm to sting, you would be allowing more harm to come upon you.
So, I don’t view the Wiccan Rede as a law, in part because one cannot live up to it. It is impossible to harm none. We eat, we use chemicals to kill germs as we clean our homes, and we brush our teeth. In all of those activities, something’s going to die.
The Wiccan Rede can serve as advice to live a good life, to be kind and loving whenever we can. I have found that the universe will return the same positive energy—perhaps, in another form.
I had another thought. A number of Wiccans suggest that a principle of the universe is grow or die. If we live by the Wiccan Rede as advice, we have the appropriate freedom to grow. As I view material about the #metoo movement, I notice a number of things. It’s reported that the #metoo movement began and continues (as their website states): “The me too. movement has built a community of survivors from all walks of life. By bringing vital conversations about sexual violence into the mainstream, we’re helping to de-stigmatize survivors by highlighting the breadth and impact sexual violence has on thousands of women, and we’re helping those who need it to find entry points to healing.”
The #metoo website continues: “Our goal is also to reframe and expand the global conversation around sexual violence to speak to the needs of a broader spectrum of survivors. Young people, queer, trans, and disabled folks, Black women and girls, and all communities of color. We want perpetrators to be held accountable and we want strategies implemented to sustain long term, systemic change.”
In a conversation with a number of learned friends, we talked about how any social change has associated pain. Social change does not land in “an it harm none.” People who speak out may lose jobs or worse. One of my friends said, “People, that is, individuals make a decision that the social change is worth the adjustment period.”
As I thought more about this, I found this to be valuable: Strive to do as little harm as you can. Be helpful and be kind when possible to all humans, plants, or entities alike.
“So, what is it that you want?” I asked my friend, Samantha.
“I’d just like to be a bit happier. Is that asking too much?” she asked.
Later, her question started off a lot of conversations between my husband and me. I talked with some friends about happiness, too.
My thought is it would be terrific for Wiccans to have a spell to increase happiness.
But then I realized that what comprises happiness is different for every person. So, my husband and I came up with a list of Elements of Happiness that include contentment, joy, fulfillment and satisfaction.
Perhaps, you’re like me and find that you really don’t have days when your joyful moments comprise more than 50% of the day. There’s a reason in my case: I have clinical depression symptoms. This can be a problem in terms of “Can I ever be happy?”
Do you ever ask yourself, “Can I be happy?”
My husband tossed in an idea: “Maybe, some people have a definition of happiness that doesn’t allow them to ever be happy.”
We all need balance, and it might be helpful to look at all four elements and then fine tune your approach for yourself—to fit your needs. So, I looked up some definitions of these elements:
Elements of Happiness
Joy: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires. [This is about moment-to-moment feelings.]
Fulfillment: the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.
Contentment: the act of feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation. [I’ve thought about contentment as related to sitting still and feeling at peace.]
Satisfaction: the state of being pleased or content with what has been experienced or received.
Then I set out to create a general spell to help Wiccans create or enhance their happiness however they define it.
A Spell for Happiness
What you will need:
1 orange candle
Candle holder
Rose oil
Dragon’s Blood incense
Ritual tools
Sea salt
Some of your favorite food and drink (for the Cakes and Wine Ceremony)
Lavender flowers (for the ritual bath)
Clean towel
Altar
Clean robe
Take a ritual bath:
On a full or waxing moon, bathe to wash all the physical dirt from your body. Then draw a new bath and put three tablespoons of sea salt into the water. Soak in the water and think of all the negative energy being absorbed by the salt water. Breathe in and out deeply. Relax… Take your time.
Use a clean towel to dry off. Put on a clean robe.
Next, go to your room and clear a space and place your small simple table (this will be your altar) in the center. Place the candle in the middle of the altar. Additionally, set up your small water bowl, sea salt bowl, and food and drink on either the side of the candle.
Cast circle in your usual manner.
Place the tip of your athame in the bowl of water and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Water, that you are pure and clean.
Put the tip of your athame into the bowl of salt and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Salt, that you are pure and clean.
Put three pinches of the blessed sea salt into the bowl of water and stir clockwise (using your index finger).
Asperge the candle with the holy water and say:
I cleanse and consecrate thee, Candle, that you are pure and clean.
Waft the candle with the incense smoke and say:
I charge you with air and fire.
Time to dress your candle: This means that you take the rose oil and rub it onto the candle from wick to the base of the candle. Carve the word “happiness” on the candle and place in the candle holder.
Put the candle into the candle holder, light it, and then say:
I now open my arms out wide Perking up my internal pride The blues that surround me go away So peace and happiness are here to stay! Happiness, peace, and love within Reside deeply and ever herein As I so will, So Mote It Be!
Do the Cakes and Wine Ceremony.
Close the Circle.
When you are ready, place the candle in a safe place and let the candle burn completely out. [Do NOT leave an untended candle. Stay safe.]
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