“You can have that piece of sushi,” Paul said.
“No, that one is yours,” Rachel said.
“Why?” she asked.
“Come on. It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Well. Okay!” Rachel said, smiling and popping the food in her mouth.
In the USA, we celebrate Valentine’s Day, a holiday when we focus on being loving to a spouse or sweetheart.
But so many of us forget the most important person in our lives during this holiday. Who is the most important person to you? It’s you.
Do you feel too busy to pause and even acknowledge your feelings? Do you lack time to show some loving care for yourself?
I spend so much time too busy worrying about what other people think and feel. Are my friends okay? Is my mother irritated with me again? Is my father having trouble understanding people because he has a mild form of Alzheimer’s?
I’ve learned something important: Neglecting ourselves can really get us into trouble.
It’s even more extreme for those of us who have self-esteem issues. Some of us spiral down and need assistance from mental health professionals.
For example, I have struggled with self-hate and loathing my whole life so far because I deal with the symptoms of my depression.
There are times when I feel so depressed that I find it nearly impossible to demonstrate love and affection for my loved ones. At those times, I have retreated to my bed.
I’ve learned that I must practice self-care or I have no energy to be loving and kind to important people in my life.
Loving others must arise from being kind and loving to yourself.
I have learned that you need to love yourself before you can truly love another person.
How can we begin or reignite our journey of being loving, including loving ourselves? In my book, Goddess Has Your Back, I share the Self-Love meditation. This meditation really set me on a correct course.
In this article, I’ll now share a process to help you enhance your self-love.
Self-Love and Self-Esteem Ritual
What you will need:
- 3 sheets of paper
- Fireproof container
Take the first two sheets and place them on a table before you.
Label one sheet: “How I like myself.” Write things you that like about yourself. If you’re feeling a bit low, just include small things like: “I like how I finish reading an article. I like that I call my sister just to say hello.” Write at least five things down or even ten things.
Label the second sheet of paper: “Things I want to change – Things I’m not happy with.” Write some things that you want to change or that you’re not happy about. Write a minimum of two things and no more than five.
Many of us will notice that our “not happy” list might feel “more important” or more intense. That’s understandable.
Now, we will use the third sheet. Look at both previous lists. There may be some overlap. For example, your second sheet may include something like: “I screw up everything.” But at the same time, your first sheet says, “I take good care of my sweetheart.” Is one true and the other false?
Is the “screw up everything” true because you find that you feel bad much of the time? Perhaps, it’s possible that your perception is off. I’ve learned from my own mentors that my depression symptoms can warp my perception and have me do something called “catastrophizing.” That means I might take one thought and let it overrun everything. For example, one time I was late in picking up my sweetheart. He remained in the rain and cold for 15 minutes. At the train stop, there was no shelter. I thought, “I’m thoughtless. I’m no good. I’m incompetent.”
Other vicious words swirled through my mind. However, the truth was that I’m on time or even early 199 times out of 200. That is the truth. But my perception was off.
So you’ll now use the third sheet to dispel perceptions that are off. Increase your positive feelings and demonstrate some self-love. Write down healthy perceptions. In essence, you combine the ideas in a fundamentally positive way.
For example, it could look like this: “I’m good to my sweetheart” plus “I screw up everything” becomes “I’m good to my sweetheart and sometimes I make a mistake. I can learn to do better.”
Go through the lists and complete at least three “positive and combined healthy perceptions.”
The next step:
Gather your fireproof container, your lighter and the “I’m not happy about” list. You will soon safely burn the “I’m not happy about” list.
Hold the “not happy” list over the fireproof container. Light the paper and let it drop into the container. Say,
My list of unwanted traits I hold,
harming my love for myself I’m told.
Now I release these thoughts to the light
burning now forever from my life.
Fire transform this list I hold tonight,
I now have self-love to its fullest height.
The next step:
The two positive lists “How I like myself” and “Healthy Perceptions” are gifts you have given yourself.
Look at the healthy perceptions and think of one small thing you might do that can help you improve your life.
Self-love is NOT self-obsession nor conceit. Self-love is recognizing that the God and Goddess have made you with positive traits for your joy and blessings to those people near you.
God and Goddess stand ready to support you. Simply ask for Their Support.
For more of Moonwater SilverClaw, consider some of her books:
Goddess Has Your Back: How Wicca Can Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem and Make Your Life Magickal
The Hidden Children of the Goddess Embrace Wicca, Become Strong, Be at Peace with Yourself and the World Around You
Beyond the Law of Attraction to Real Magic: How You Can Remove Blocks to Prosperity, Happiness and Inner Peace