“It hurts too much. If I just had the right spiritual thoughts, couldn’t I just avoid this pain?” my friend, John, asked.
“I hear you. You’re hurting bad. I want to skip pain, too. But I learned about something called a spiritual bypass,” I replied.
Recently, I came across this quote:
“Spiritual bypass shields us from the truth. It disconnects us from our feelings and helps us avoid the big picture. It is more about checking out than checking in.” – Ingrid Clayton, psychologist
I realize that, many times, I’d like to avoid feeling pain. But if I try to just shift to the “higher point of view,” I may be denying something real … that I have felt a loss and the pain is something I just need to experience.
For example, I lost Steve, a dear friend who passed away. I didn’t sit in the grief. I tried to shift to thinking he was in a better place and that was it. But I never truly dealt with the feelings of loss. That is, until I shifted back to my grief and felt it fully and explored what was going on with my feelings. I honored the pain of the loss. In this way, I processed it in a healthy way.
I have three insights about grief, loss and how to grow.
1.Say something aloud about your feelings.
I have learned that talking to a friend and saying aloud how I feel about something is truly healing. It helps take the burden off my back. If you are the friend, just listen. You don’t have to fix it.
2.Ask the Gods for clarity
Doing meditation can help, too. By going into meditation, you can ask the Gods to help you understand the reasons and situations that led to the loss. You can ask for healing. The Gods are great listeners.
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul.” – Carl Jung
It is true that in witchcraft we strive to know one’s self.
Knowing yourself is the true focus of the Craft. Knowing how you deal with loss can be a big step to understanding you.
3.Express the Feel It and Move Forward Prayer
Here is a prayer to help.
The Feel It and Move Forward Prayer
Lord and Lady help me dig deep.
Light the way to all that I seek.
My feelings now I do give space,
To feel it all and weigh my case.
Give me light on my path to peace,
To help me move on in one piece.
Stitch by stitch mend my broken heart.
With Your support, I make my start
As I So Will, So Mote It Be.
May this prayer help you heal and continue growing on your journey.
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