Have you heard that researchers point to 15% of men (in the U.S.A.) report having no close friends? That is a fivefold increase from 1990. Back then it was only 3% of men reported having no close friends.
I add this to our conversation because we all need support and even opportunities to be kind. For my readers who are covens, it creates community.
So, let’s practice putting a metaphorical “pause” on the destructive thoughts.
Ask yourself, “What would Goddess say?”
Listen for something positive. Something supportive. Something that inspires you to grow and enjoy your spiritual path.
“What’s good for you—that’s Wicca—that you don’t do?” my friend, Margarette, said. “Meditate more often,” I said. “What holds you back?” “It’s a freakin’ cliché. I have no time in the morning. I’m too tired at the end of the day. And, I spend my day mostly taking care of my parents (often). And one diabetic cat,” I said, my shoulders drooping. Margarette nodded. She looked sad.
I have an insight for you.
Attach The Good For You Action to Something You’re Already Doing
Something good for me is to do an action that makes me feel better.
For example, my husband massages my back every night. (Yeah, I feel lucky.)
But I just don’t get around to massaging his back.
I don’t feel good about not supporting the Love of My Life.
Except, now I’m turning that around. Now, I’ll take 10 seconds to massage the trapezius muscles next to his neck when I walk past him to my workstation (in our home).
10 seconds is better than nothing.
He smiles and says, “Wow! You remove a lot of tension from my trapezius muscles in a short time!”
So I’m going to walk past him anyway. I’ve just attached being kind to my husband (and I feel better) to my daily action.
My way to add Wicca to these 10 Seconds is to say a prayer like: “God and Goddess, thank you for my sweetheart. May he feel safe in my arms and loved.”
What would be good for you to add to your daily life?
Here’s a helpful prayer.
Goddess, Guide me to make time for What’s good for me, What’s important to me, What makes me smile. So Mote It Be.
“Wow. Sharon made the situation about her. I don’t think she even heard me,” Alicia, a friend said—about Sharon, a spiritual elder.
I’ve noticed that Spiritual Elders have a choice: “talk from your history” or “be present.”
Here are two points.
1. Continue to refocus “back to the present.”
“For behold, I am the Mother of All Things…. For I am the Soul of Nature who giveth life to the universe.” – The Goddess in The Charge of the Goddess, as written by Doreen Valiente
What does an attentive mother do? She asks, “Where does it hurt? What do you need?”
You’re staying present is a gift to the other person.
Do you stay present, or are you just waiting to push your point on the other person?
2. Notice if you’re talking from your history.
When I say, “a big dog,” where did your mind go? My mind goes back to a pack of dogs that I encountered as a 7-year-old girl. 8 dogs. One little girl. And terror.
I still hold fear from that time.
But what does that fear do? It takes me out of this present moment.
Let’s say I visit a new friend, and she has a golden retriever. A friendly being. But I’m shaking due to being triggered by the past.
Now, nothing is invalid about my talking about my past life.
But that does not mean it is relevant to the person I talk to today.
I once heard the author Tom Marcoux say, “New variables may invalidate past experience.”
I can learn more about dogs.
I can pay attention in the moment to the person who is speaking.
And, a spiritual elder can hold a sacred trust of “being present” with the person.
Here is a prayer:
Blessed Mother, Give me the sight of this Present Moment. Free me of past fear and the echoes of past traumas. I show up in service to the person with me. So Mote It Be.
“My sister just won’t stop for a minute to hear me out,” Milly, a new acquaintance, said.
“She has all these judgments about me and my faith. She doesn’t see me as a person. It’s like she’s talking to her projection of what she thinks I might be.”
I reflected on this.
Here are two insights that might help you.
1. You push, and they push back.
Ever try to explain your faith to someone? And, they just push back. Telling you that you’re wrong and that they know—better than you—what your spiritual path is.
Arrogant, right?
You push facts, and they push fiction. But what does the pushing get? Nothing good.
2. Invite the Gods to help you lower your “intensity.”
Have you noticed that when someone says unfair and ignorant things against you, it’s your internal “intensity” that rises?
Here is a prayer that you can use to help you lower your intensity.
I breathe in and bring in the love of the Gods. I breathe out and let go of my anxiety. I breathe in and bring in clarity. I breathe out and let go of my intensity. I breathe in calm. I breathe out and let go of my intensity. I breathe in peace within my integrity. I breathe out and let go of my intensity. May the Gods bless me. So Mote It Be
As I settle to sleep, I suddenly remember messing up when talking to a friend. “Damn!” I grumble. “You okay?” my husband asks.
“I’m all right. Just thinking about something I messed up.”
“You want to talk about it?” “Not now,” I say.
Do you emotionally beat yourself up? I have three insights for you.
1. Find healthy comfort.
A hug from my husband can help. Or a bite of a chocolate chunky chip cookie. (Okay, I must avoid going to extreme on the cookies!)
Comfort is not a cop-out.
Comfort is a necessary part of life.
Who or what provides you with some comfort?
2. Get outside in the breeze and more.
As a witch, you know your kinship with nature. Don’t hesitate. Get that 15-minute walk next to trees. Feel the breeze. See the sky. Connect with nature. Get out of the box (office).
How can you experience your connection with nature?
3. Make prayer your ladder upwards.
In the mundane world, we humans have limitations. Call for reinforcements!
Here is a prayer you can use.
Gods, shift my mind from self-blaming, Keep me growing with kindness and self-love. Lift me up to Your light. So Mote It Be.
“I apologize for my tone,” my friend, Ian, told the nurse practitioner during his phone call. He called because for four days he was having pain in the back of his head. He was unsteady when he stood up. “I’m scared. I have so much hope. I have people who love me, and I love them,” Ian continued.
Are you dealing with health difficulties?
I have three insights for you.
1. Acknowledge the fear.
Ian is afraid to lose his life just when good things are going on. Do you connect with this? We notice that it is important to acknowledge one’s true experience. Fear is often connected with the dread of losing something. Losing time with loved ones can feel devastating. It is valuable to have someone to talk to. Perhaps, you can turn to spiritual elders, a certain friend, or a therapist.
Who can you talk to?
2. Acknowledge how moment-to-moment you experience “shifts” in the day.
Ian pauses. He takes a deep breath. He notices that his dizziness does not stay the same throughout the whole day. He also notices that the body’s symptoms are signals. Many authors emphasize that “the body is a communication device.”
What is your body saying to you? Is it saying: “Slow down”? Or “take care”? Or “get more sleep”?
You may need to see a physician, therapist, or psychiatrist.
3. Invite the Gods to comfort you in your time of need.
When I feel like cr@p or don’t know what to do, I talk to the Gods. I pray or ask, “What do I need to learn about this?”
Here is a prayer you can use.
Honorable Lord and Gracious Lady, Give me comfort in my time of need. Hold me close. Guide me to good choices in this and all situations. Open my eyes to see wisdom and truth. Let me learn from this moment in my life. So Mote It Be.
“Women are not attracted to nice guys,” my friend, Alicia, said. “Maybe. But I heard that the real turn-off is … some nice guys are passive. You cannot count on them to step up and protect you,” I noted. I have learned that we need to be proactive to protect our relationship. And, a big part of that is to know, in a relationship, the partners have real differences. Here are three insights.
1. Observe your preferences and how they differ from your partner’s preferences. What do you like? Do you like it when your partner brings you flowers? Or do you like it when they do the dishes, or maybe help you with one of your goals? A person who likes “Acts of Service” will feel loved when you do things for them. Other people really feel loved when you give them a gift. Think chocolate and flowers. Unless there is an allergy! The strange thing is that partners are often opposite in what makes them feel loved. It sounds like this: “I brought you flowers, greeting cards, jewelry…” “Yeah. But could you just edit my article for my blog?” That’s the sound of someone who prefers “Acts of Service.” How do you know what makes your partner feel loved? … Ask them.
2. Note the differences between how you feel comforted and your partner feels comforted. Imagine this situation. When you were a kid and you felt sick, your mother gave you chicken soup. And you still like chicken soup. You might feel comforted and loved with chicken soup. Let’s say your partner prefers tomato soup. No matter how many bowls of chicken soup you offer, nothing good happens. To make sense of this, it helps to have some conversations.
3. Ask the Goddess to help you make space for the differences. Here’s a prayer that may help you: Goddess, Guide my partner and me. Help us ask the right questions so We discover what truly supports each other. Help us to listen well. We understand that our preferences may differ a lot. Guide us to improve our personal energy so We have reserves of calm and space for listening. So Mote It Be.
May this prayer or something similar support you. And…
In recent months, a number of heartbroken people have asked for help to reignite love. Some turn to certain individuals to do “a love spell.” As you’ll see in this post, focusing on self-love and the Gods brings some peace and calm.
Here are three insights:
Avoid trying to change the other person.
The first thing to focus on is that it is unethical to attempt to do a love spell and try to do something that is against another person’s will.
You have probably noticed that when you attempt to push someone, you get what you do not want—resistance.
It is better to attract the person. Attract their interest.
How do we do that? We focus on rituals and meditation that are focused on enhancing our own personal aliveness and attractiveness.
It’s about bringing the other person close and enhancing your attractiveness.
We’re talking about reigniting love, so this is about a relationship that worked earlier. People come together because of mutual attraction.
In a long-term relationship, it becomes a dance. One partner pursues, and the other person at times draws back. The hope is that this fluctuation does not become too extreme.
To reignite love, you can look at what were your personal attractive qualities. Were you a good listener? Did you make your partner feel strong, intelligent, important, even sexy?
Perhaps, you’re in a time now in which stress (personal or even medical) has upset the balance. Some witches fortify their personal balance and health by doing meditation and rituals to invite the Gods’ support.
Being attractive and feeling attractive does not work if you are upside down.
To bring another person close, you need to be attentive to their needs.
“[Your partner needs answers] to these questions: Can I reach you? (Accessibility) … Can I rely on you to respond and care about my feelings? (Responsiveness) … Will you value me, put me first, and stay close? (Engagement).” – Dr. Sue Johnson
Because of how tough life can be and how we go through rough phases, it can be truly difficult to have the energy to be attentive to your partner’s needs. Still, it is a critical process. Some people find it necessary to get counseling so they have someone else to talk to.
Ask the Gods to help release those elements that block your natural attractiveness.
Here is a candle ritual to help you strengthen yourself, enhance your attractiveness and support the bond you share with your partner.
First, use olive oil and “dress the candle”—that is, you apply the oil from the wick to the base. Be sure to use only a small amount of olive oil on the white candle.
Set up your candle so you can safely light it.
Prayer for Reigniting Love Ritual
Lord and Lady, Thank you for Your support. Guide me to respond and Not react in this time. Give me Your strength. Enhance my attractiveness. Bring my [partner] and me closer. Enhance our feelings of love. Let us recapture the feelings of joy And aliveness we knew before— And have our feelings now blossom Into this new form of deeper love. Replace my fear with Openness, curiosity, and warmth. Have my [partner] wake up to This new chapter for us. Release us from the shackles of Disappointment, conflict, and fear. Lord and Lady, Reignite our love, Strengthen our bond, And have joy return to our hearts. For this or better. So mote it be.
Be certain to safely burn the candle all the way down until it is extinguished on its own. (Safety tip: Do not leave a lit candle unattended.)
“I really want to attract this guy. But I’ve heard that it can be unethical to do certain spells,” Audrey, an acquaintance, asked me.
“That’s true,” I replied. This began a significant conversation about the appropriate spells one can do when one wants to attract someone.
Here are three insights.
Do spells that are focused on yourself.
Witches know that doing a spell on another person, even a healing spell, is not appropriate if that person has not given you permission.
What is the solution? You do spells that help you remove obstacles to your being at your most attractive.
Two elements are vital in your ability to attract another person: Your confidence and your physical radiance.
Confidence radiates from one who knows her personal worth.
Here is a prayer that you can use as you do a candle-lighting ritual. (You can use a white candle on a full moon.)
Powerful Lord, Gracious Lady May I know what good I bring to people. May I feel the divine strength you placed within me. Let others see the light from within. I am with You, and I am love.
To unblock your natural physical radiance, consider doing a ritual bath.
Communicate you are approachable and available.
Many people may have an attractive appearance but, through experiences of trauma, they may send out the energy of being unapproachable. It’s the energy of “Don’t come near me; I’m broken.”
Here is a prayer that you can use as you do a candle-lighting ritual. (You can use a pink candle on a full moon.)
By the full moon, I ask You, Lady and Lord, this boon. Draw to me People that are good for me Support my energy So good people agree I am approachable. Love radiates from me.
Discover Your Energy of “I will be a positive addition to your life.”
This is a process in which you radiate that you are appropriate and good for the one you want to attract.
Here is a prayer that you can use as you do a candle-lighting ritual. (You can use a white candle on a full moon.)
Lord and Lady, Let my energy Create in my loved one to be Certainty That I am a positive addition To the life they lead.
In summary, to attract someone, be sure to remove obstacles so that they know you and your inner spark of divinity.
Have you been trudging through your day-to-day life?
Do you sometimes wonder, “When do I get to have joyful experiences in my life?”
As Wiccans, we have a true gift.
Goddess offers us the opportunities to learn to access ecstatic experiences with Her.
How?
Meditation is one path. Holding a ritual is another.
Here I’ll share a Prayer to recite just before you begin a meditation session.
I was inspired to write this prayer as I was studying this excerpt fromThe Charge of the Goddess.“For mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and mine also is joy on earth; for my Law is Love unto all Beings.” – fromThe Charge of the Goddess, written by Doreen Valiente, in the voice of the GoddessPrayer for True Connection with Goddess.Goddess,Remove any distractions from my pathThat separate me from the ecstasy of the spirit.Give me my share of joy on earth.Help me know Your Law of Love in my heart.May I feel Your blessing on me throughout my journeys.So Mote It Be.May this process bless your life.Blessed Be,Moonwater
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